


Lazarus Rising

by TwoBoys2Love



Category: Supernatural AU, Supernatural RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-22
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-26 01:46:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1670186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TwoBoys2Love/pseuds/TwoBoys2Love
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Prompt: On her way to order wedding announcements for her and her staid banker fiance's upcoming nuptials, Katharine come face-to-face with with her past--in the form of devilish good looks and deep blue eyes. There's no mistaking it. He is her Danny. The same Danny who had died 10 years ago, and had taken a piece of heart with him.</p>
<p>for SPN_meanttobe challenge :)</p>
<p>Summary: On his way to order wedding announcements for his and his partner's upcoming nuptials, Jared come face-to-face with his past--in the form of devilish good looks and deep green eyes. There's no mistaking it. He is Jared's Jensen; the same Jensen who had died 10 years ago, and had taken a piece of Jared's heart with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

The storm had rolled over the hills as the sun set. At first the beautiful white clouds had just seemed to darken a little, then the sky had changed dramatically. The fiery sun had painted the sky a vicious, dark violet; grey clouds had rolled over the hills like the crest of a destructive wave and then darkness had fallen so quickly it was a little unnerving.

Jared had been living at Talbot House with his partner Jensen for three months. He and Jensen had known each other since they were teenagers.

They had met at school. Just like so many other kids, they'd become fast friends. It was, after all, the "time of their lives".

But something had been different. _Very_ different. They'd begun spending a lot of time by themselves. They rode Jensen's horses along the Talbot property line. The two young men probably knew the land better than Mr. Ackles did. 

The ranch was hundreds of acres and the Ackles family was renown for their horsemanship. Jensen taught Jared to ride and after a few weeks Jared has his own set of ranch chores. He was always welcomed in the home of his best friend. 

Then the _different_ part of their relationship began to emerge.

There were lingering touches at first. Jensen would stand beside the horse he'd given Jared, Breeze. His hand would settle of Jared's leg and Jared liked it.

Yes, he was young, but he wasn't naive. Jared had spent time with girls and time with guys and he always preferred guys.

He didn't have trouble understanding if he was gay or bisexual. The only hurdle was their friendship. Jared couldn't stand the notion that he might lose Jensen's friendship.

The first time Jensen leaned in to kiss Jared - any worries that Jared had harbored fled his mind.

That had just been the beginning. _God_ ; they'd been so young. But, even back then, Jared had known that Jensen was the man he wanted to spend his life with.

Their parents weren't too concerned about their relationship. They were too young to date seriously as far as the Padaleckis were concerned. As far as the Ackles' were concerned they would grow out of their _crush_.

Nothing had worked out quite the way anyone had thought it would.

Jensen's life had changed dramatically when he had turned twenty. His parents and his sister had been killed in a tragic car accident. It had been Jared who had kept Jensen afloat during the aftermath. Just barely.

Out of respect for the Ackles wishes, Jared and Jensen waited until the night of Jared's eighteenth birthday to move him in to Talbot house. Jensen had proposed to Jared that same evening with a white gold band that he gave Jared as an engagement ring.

Three months had passed since the night Jared moved in. And now, Jared stood in the bedroom window and stared out at the storm. His restless fingers turned the gold band around and around.

Jensen had gone for a ride hours earlier. It wasn't all that uncommon for Jensen to ride for hours. He'd had Murphy since he was a colt. There was a bond between them that was undeniable. Jared loved seeing his lover ride off on the black stallion; there was always a smile on Jensen's face.

But in such a violent storm Jensen should have returned home - or at least, found a place to weather the storm. But he hadn't called. Jared had checked both floors of the house and Jensen's phone wasn't there. The battery could have died; that was another possibility.

It was like going slowly crazy. Jared paced back and forth for a while then a huge flash of lightning illuminated the bedroom.

His gaze settled on a photo of them that stood by the bed. It had been taken just before Jensen had asked Jared to move in, just before the accident that had changed everything. They looked so happy.

Jensen was grinning from ear to ear. It was the smile that Jared loved because it lit up Jensen's entire face. The bright sunlight made Jensen's freckles look even darker than usual and highlighted some of the red streaks in his short hair.

On the other side of the photo Jared was gazing at Jensen as though the sun rose and set because of him. He was _just_ a little taller than Jensen; his hair shorter than he kept it as he got older. Jensen had wanted Jared to grow his hair. He liked it long. Jared would do pretty much anything to please Jensen. 

Sighing, Jared turned back to the window and squinted out into the darkness for a few more minutes. Still no sign of Jensen. "If you're doing this to try and get out of wedding planning, I'll be pissed," Jared muttered.

His breath fogged up the window and he wiped at it furiously.

It was then that Jared saw headlights at the bottom of the foothills. Relief flooded heat through Jared's body and he turned quickly and headed down the winding staircase. Murphy must have been spooked by the storm. He was a spirited horse; sometimes too much even for Jensen. Jensen may have boarded him in town rather than trying to convince him to travel back home.

Jared jogged down the last few steps and headed over to the door. Their border collie, Sasha, gave up her Jensen-vigil at the back door and padded out into the front foyer to lick Jared's hand.

They might say that Sasha was _their_ dog but that little furry black and white face loved Jensen more than anyone else. It seemed, sometimes, like everyone did.

"It's okay, Sasha. I think that's Jensen now."

Sasha's ears perked up at the mention of her favorite name. She let out a quiet bark and snuffled at Jared's fingers.

Sasha headed over to the front door, her nails clicking on the ceramic tile. She let out another bark when there was a particularly loud clap of thunder, circled back around to Jared's side and leaned against his legs.

"Not much longer," Jared murmured as his fingers smoothed over Sasha's fur. He allowed himself the pretense of trying to calm Sasha but he was just as likely to be talking to himself. He would feel much better when Jensen was safe and sound at home where he belonged.

From where Jared was standing he could see the end of the road that led up to Talbot House. The road cut through the middle of the corrals that were closest to the main house. Headlights appeared at the bottom of their property and Jared blew out a breath. It looked like a truck so someone from town must have offered to drive Jensen home.

The rain was pelting down onto the sidewalk and the sound of it on the veranda roof was so loud it was overwhelming. Jared stepped outside and wrapped his arms around his body. It was cold. He was glad he had started the fireplace up. Jensen would be cold; he was probably wet through. He'd never let Murphy be stabled anywhere without rubbing him down and drying him off completely.

Sasha took a few steps forwards as the suburban approached the fenced yard.

"Sasha. Back." Jared gestured behind him and even though the collie whined she still padded around to sit at Jared's heel.

When Jared squinted his eyes he could see the suburban a little clearer. It was dark and there was a bar of lights across the top of the cab. Maybe the park ranger had picked up Jensen or Jeff had offered to bring Jensen home. Sheriff Jeff Morgan had been friends with them for a long time and Jeff never liked anyone to go without what they needed.

Impatient, Jared went to the top of the steps. Sasha growled behind him. "Quit grumbling, Sash. Just a couple more minutes."

The headlights were bright and Jared held up his hand to fend it off. The engine was even, and almost too quiet to be heard over the storm that was crashing around them.

Another huge bang of thunder rattled the door on its frame and Jared took an unconscious step backwards.

Sasha let out a sharp bark and stood. Her hackles rose and Jared knelt down beside her.

"Shhh," he murmured against her ear. She let out a little _grumble_ as Jensen called it and Jared laughed nervously.

The suburban pulled up next to Jared's pick up and he recognized the logo. It was the Sheriff. Jeff was not only a friend but he was their closest neighbour. He'd known "the boys" their whole lives, he was _just_ old enough to act like an overprotective big brother.

Jared kept his arm looped around Sasha's neck as he watched for Jensen. It was hard to see anything in between lightning flashes.

The door on the driver's side opened and Jared could see the outline of the Sheriff's hat. He could still remember back when Jeff used to show up in blue jeans and a t-shirt rather than a uniform. He still had trouble not grinning when he heard people say "Sheriff Morgan."

As Jeff walked towards the veranda, Jared smiled. He slipped his fingers through Sasha's collar so she wouldn't run out into the rain. The last thing he wanted to be doing after such a long night was mopping up muddy footprints.

Lightning crackled across the sky as Jeff reached the bottom of the steps. But there was no sign of Jensen.

Jared stared hard at the suburban hoping to see Jensen in one of the lightning flashes.

Sasha wriggled and hopped up and down on her front paws as Jeff approached.

"Jeff!" Jared called out.

Holding his arm up to ward off the pelting rain, Jeff strode up the steps and stopped at the top step. He pulled his hat off and held it in front of him even though he was still standing in the rain.

"Where's Jensen?" Jared's heart sped up as he stood.

Sasha circled around his legs and lay down behind him.

Sheriff Morgan cleared his throat and stepped up under the shelter of the veranda roof. "Jared? Can we talk inside?"

There was a look on Jeff's face that made Jared feel sick to his stomach. "Jeff? Where is Jensen?" What's happened?"

There was a quiet whine from Sasha and Jared glanced down at her. When he looked back up Jeff was close enough to take his arm.

"Jared. Come inside," Jeff said firmly.

Sasha stood and huffed as she trotted back inside ahead of them.

There was a hissing in Jared's ears; it was like the ocean trapped inside a shell. The shush -shush of his blood was the only other thing he could hear, the only other thing that seemed real.

"Jared? Sit down."

The firm tone made Jared's eyes widen and he sank down onto the huge chair behind him. He didn't even remember walking into the room. 

Whining constantly, Sasha nudged at Jared's hand. When he didn't respond fast enough, Sasha pushed her nose right under his hand. "Jeff? Where is Jensen?"

Jeff perched on the edge of the chair that was opposite Jared's. "Jared, there's been an accident."

"God, no," Jared said softly. The tip of Sasha's nose was warm and a little dry. Jared moved his hand to grab hold of Sasha's main of fur.

"Old Bobby Singer was outside trying to bring one of his own horses in and he saw someone riding real fast along the north edge of the canyon. There was a particularly loud thunder clap and the horse reared and slipped."

"No," Jared said softly. All Jeff's words were scrambling together in his mind. Jensen would never ride Murphy along the canyon. He loved that damn horse; Jensen would never risk Murphy's life.

"Jared, I know this is really difficult. I know how much you two-" Jeff covered his mouth for a few moments and then he shook his head slightly.

"Murphy is okay. Well, it took four people to get him into Singer's barn. He has some cuts but Dr. Qualls from the Vet clinic was heading out to look at him when I came this way."

"I want Murphy home. He needs to be here when Jensen comes home or he'll worry himself sick," Jared said faintly. He couldn't believe what Jeff was telling him; he wouldn't believe it.

Jeff sighed, stood and headed over to sit on the coffee table in front of Jared. "Jared?"

Jared could feel a horrible burn behind his eyes. He rubbed at them and then realized that Jeff had said his name. He looked up and tried to focus on Jeff's face. "What?"

"Jared. It was Jensen who went into the canyon. Old Singer _saw_ him get thrown from Murphy's back. I found this right at the edge of the cliff." After a moment's hesitation, Jeff reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a dark wallet. He held it out towards Jared.

Sasha's head peeked up over Jared's knee and she sniffed at the wallet a few times then licked the leather. She let out a piercing whine and Jared stroked her fur to quiet her.

"I don't want - that's too dark. Its not Jensen's." Jared's heart was beginning to race and his chest hurt - it felt like he'd been drop kicked.

"Jare? Listen to me." Jeff flipped the wallet open and pulled out a driver's license. "The leather looks dark because it's wet. But _this_ is Jensen's."

Completely against his will, Jared found himself looking down at the piece of ID. His body began to feel cold when he saw Jensen's face on the license. He began to shake his head. "No. Even if he fell, he can swim. Jensen's a way better swimmer than I am. No, Jeff. Please."

Sorrow appeared on Jeff's face and he set the wallet down beside him before reaching to grab Jared's hands.

"Jared. I can't imagine how hard this is. But the storm had driven the water up, it's fast and it's cold. He couldn't have survived. There's just no way." Jeff's voice was steady, his hands cold over Jared's.

It was like falling asleep while watching TV. The story was making less and less sense to Jared. He knew what the water was like in the canyon during a storm. He knew that- "God, Jeff. I can't. I - what do I do?"

Suddenly, Jared felt like he was falling. Everything seemed to be sliding away from him. He felt Jeff grasp his hands a little tighter.

"We're gonna get through this, " Jeff murmured.

Yes. Jeff was Jensen's friend. He'd known him for a very long time.

"I'll bring Murphy back here in the morning. I don't want to move him until the vet says he's good. He'll be safe at Singer's. Treated like royalty if I know the ol' Bobby."

Bobby Singer was a gruff old man. There were many times when he had busted the boys when they were young. They liked to sneak into the main barn and feed Singer's horses sugar cubes they'd stolen from the diner in town. Singer was never mean and he never yelled at Jared. He'd told Jensen off a time or two for being cocky and taking too many risks, but he'd always said Jared had a _gentle spirit_.

"Jared? You got someone who can come and stay here with you?"

For a few moments, the question puzzled Jared. He'd never spent a night alone at Talbot; Jensen was always there. "No. I - no. Jeff?"

Panic was beginning to settle down on Jared. It was a dark pressure full of the cool mist of fear and he began to shiver.

Jeff leaned forward and pulled Jared into his arms. Jared pushed at Jeff's shoulder. "No," He murmured. Being there, being comforted by Jeff could only mean one thing. Jensen really _was_ gone. There was no way that could be happening.

Jeff held on tighter as Jared fought against the invisible hurt that was crashing into him. Jeff was speaking softly but Jared couldn't even understand what his friend was saying. It felt like Jared's chest had been slashed open. There was the pain of the wound but there was something far worse. There was a barren stretch of space inside his chest.

If Jensen was gone, no one would ever fill up that space in Jared's heart again. There was only one Jensen and he was the man that Jared loved.

Finally, as the heat of wet tears poured down his cheeks, Jared grabbed onto Jeff's jacket.

He held on as if Jeff were the only thing left that was real.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx** TEN YEARS LATER **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

There were twelve different wedding invitations spread out evenly on the dining room table. Twice already, Jared had switched the positions of them, moved them around like they were a puzzle he couldn't solve.

There was one that seemed really nice. It had plain black printing on it; their names were printed out in full and there was just an ampersand in the center of the card.

_Jared Tristan Padalecki  
&  
Jeffrey Dean Morgan_

There was another invitation that had a similar layout except that all of the text was surrounded by a raised line.

Jared sighed. "Can't we just email everyone?"

He heard laughter from the kitchen before the sound of Jeff's boots came up behind him. "You know your Aunt wants us to have proper invitations for all the relatives."

"All the old biddies, you mean." As far as Jared was concerned, his Aunt was far too concerned about doing things _properly_. Hell, Jared hadn't even been aware that there were so many different fonts that could be on a wedding invitation.

"You know, Jay. If you hadn't put it off for so long, the worse of all this would have been over long ago."

Jeff had a point. But, there was just something else that always seemed more important than wedding planning. 

Talbot was a big responsibility now that it was just Jared's. The learning curve had been steep. He hadn't realized how much Jensen had done to keep Talbot running smoothly and, honestly, if Jeff hadn't been around to help out it may have been impossible. There were ranch hands to manage, feed companies to deal with, repairing fences and administering vaccines and medical care. That wasn't even counting coordinating the stallions and potential stud fees. 

Every day was a full day for Jared and he had only ended up at the table with all the invitations in front of him because Jeff had been late coming home and Jared had worked himself up. He always worried when Jeff was late; he always would.

In fact, Jeff had only _just_ changed out of his uniform.

Jared shrugged helplessly then felt Jeff's hands on his shoulders. Strong fingers dug into the knots of tension that had gathered at the back of his neck. "Mmm. What'd I do to deserve this treatment?"

Jeff's breath was warm across Jared's ear. "You've been really tense lately. Is it the wedding?"

Jared closed his eyes and tried to relax a little. Jeff was _absolutely_ right. Ever since Jeff had proposed, Jared had felt a little on edge. He couldn't put his finger on what was wrong.

He knew what _wasn't_ wrong. He loved Jeff; he loved Jeff as much as he was able to love anyone. And, it was time for things to progress. Jeff had always wanted to get married and he'd been incredibly patient with Jared, more patient than Jared could have hoped.

Two years passed after the night of Jensen's accident before Jeff had even _dared_ to ask Jared out. It had been the slowest and most subdued courtship in county history; Jared was sure of it. It had been pretty amusing.

At first, Jeff had done nothing more than kiss Jared. For months after they began seeing each other he would kiss Jared good night and Jared would stand at the front door of Talbot House wondering if Jeff really wanted him.

Jared practically had to throw himself at Jeff to get a little more physical and even then, Jeff had held off. He claimed he was a _southern_ gentleman and wanted to _wait until after the wedding._

Jared went along with it. He had discovered that he had a talent for taking the path of least resistance.

"And. What are you thinking about?"

Startled, Jared realized he must have been quiet for a while. "Everything? Nothing. I don't know, Jeff."

"You know, Jared," Jeff began. "It's okay if you're thinking about Jensen-"

"Jeff, don't, please."

"It's perfectly natural. He was your first love, hell, probably the love of your life. He was taken from you-"

"Jeff!" Jared's hands smacked down onto the table so heavily that the invitations bounced out of their neat alignment. "I'm sorry," Jared added quietly.

"It's alright," Jeff said flatly. "You're right. I shouldn't keep bringing it up - not if we're doing this." Jeff waved his hand toward the invitations.

It made Jared feel a little guilty. Over the years Jeff had been really sweet to him. He'd never pushed, never taken a single thing for granted, never taken a step out of line.

It was time for Jared to focus on looking forward; not lingering in the past.

"This one," Jared said firmly. He tapped his finger to the center of the invitation with the small black print and the ampersand.

"Yeah?" Jeff's tone was lighter and he leaned down to kiss Jared's cheek.

"Yeah." Jared nodded and piled up the discarded invitations so he could set them aside. "It's simple, elegant. I like it. I'll head into town tomorrow and order them from the printer."

"Yeah?" There was a happiness in Jeff's tone that Jared hadn't heard in a while. He liked it; it made him feel better to know that he could make Jeff feel good.

"Want to meet for lunch after I order them?" Jeff's duties as Sheriff kept him pretty busy, but sometimes, he was able to get away for a while.

"Sounds great. Meet you at the Circle Back at about one?"

Nodding, Jared twisted on the chair until he could slip his arms around Jeff's waist. "Just one more thing."

As Jeff slid a hand into the length of Jared's hair he smiled down at his lover's upturned face. "What's that?"

"Jensen would have wanted us to be happy. He loved you like a brother, Jeff."

The fingers in Jared's hair tightened a little and Jeff's expression softened. "I do believe you're right," he said. "But I sure miss that son of a bitch."

Dropping his gaze, Jared leaned his cheek against Jeff's body and held on tightly. Yes. Jared _also_ missed the man he'd fallen in love with. There had been times, over the years, when Jared had thought he wouldn't survive losing Jensen.

But, he had survived.

He had survived and he had made a commitment to a new life with Jeff.

It was time to begin that new life _officially._

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

By the time Jared woke up in the morning, Jeff was already gone. He was usually needed at the station early in the morning so he rarely stayed over at Talbot. When he did, he disappeared quietly at first light. The county bordered on being too large for the small crew of law enforcement officers Jeff led, but they did a damn good job. _Jeff_ did a great job.

Lying in the early morning sun that streamed through the window, Jared stretched his arms high above his head. He'd better get his ass in gear if he was going to get everything done in time to meet up with Jeff.

Impressively, Jared managed to get showered, dressed and make himself breakfast within an hour. In another thirty minutes he was in his old Chevy pick-up and heading down the gravel road toward town.

At first, he was careful not to speed. After all, he had no intention of getting a speeding ticket if the Sheriff happened to be lurking on the outskirts of town. Smiling, Jared changed his mind and decided to give the old truck a little more gas. He'd managed to persuade the Sheriff not to ticket him on more than one occasion; he was sure he could do it again.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The town was bustling. Wilmington was the _one_ small town in the middle of a mess of ranches. Most people who lived close came into town, at least, once a day.

It seemed like everyone had chosen the same day to do their _town_ business.

There was a parking spot just in front of the printers so Jared signaled and pulled in. He wiped at the sweat that was already dampening the back of his neck. It was going to be a hot summer. It was only May and Jared could already feel it.

Jared had spent almost every summer of his life within a few KM of the canyon. He could usually tell what kind of weather was ahead. The heat so early in the morning usually meant that there was going to be a storm. Jared still hated storms; he always would.

After picking up the sample invitation that was lying on the seat Jared shoved his door open.

There were a lot of familiar faces moving along the sidewalk. "Hey, Mr. Collins."

Mr. Collins owned the bookstore up the street. Jared nearly always stopped by there whenever he was in town.

"Will I see you later, Jared?" asked Mr. Collins.

"You bet," Jared answered with a smile. There were a few books that he'd been meaning to pick up. He liked to read in the evenings; it kept him from thinking about how empty the house was without Jeff.

The sun was bright and Jared blinked a few times then squinted as he headed to the sidewalk. It was a big change from the thunderstorms that had been lingering of late.

He flipped the invitation over in his hand. It was, pretty much, the point of no return. For the first time in a long time that was okay; it was time.

Jared's long legs carried him down the sidewalk quickly. The Circle Back had air conditioning so the sooner he could get there, the better. Hopefully, Jeff would be on time.

When he thought of Jeff, Jared checked his back pocket for his phone. If Jeff got caught up at work, he would text or call. He pulled his phone out and unlocked the screen. No message yet. He glanced up as he moved down the busy sidewalk.

Hopefully, the printer wouldn't be too busy. The lock clicked on Jared's phone and he returned it to his back pocket.

When he glanced up again his eyes settled on a man who was standing about thirty feet away. He was staring down at the sidewalk, shoulders squared, hands clenched into tight fists at his sides.

Jared's steady pace faltered as he stared at the man and he stopped abruptly. Someone bumped into Jared's shoulder, another person muttered, "Excuse me."

There was something familiar and yet foreign about the man and Jared stopped abruptly. He felt frozen there for some reason, trapped.

And then the man looked up.

_Jensen._

Jared would know that face anywhere but he knew it was impossible. Jensen was dead.

Jared closed his eyes and drew in a slow breath. It was a trick of the sun. It was some kind of hallucination. Low blood sugar. Lack of sleep. The tension and extra stress of the wedding must have caught up to him.

Jared's mouth had gone completely dry and he couldn't swallow. It was bizarre because he felt like he was going to drown in … something … in everything.

Someone else brushed past Jared's arm and he stumbled to the side before regaining his balance. On reflex, he opened his eyes again.

_Jensen_ was still standing there. The man looked so normal. Blue jeans, a sage green t-shirt, and brown cowboy boots.

Jared took a step back. He was losing his shit. He needed to go to the fucking hospital or something. He needed to go. He _needed_ to just go.

"Jared," the man said. _God_. That voice made bile crawl up Jared's throat.

Walking backwards, Jared held out a hand in front of him as though warding off a wild animal. His boot slipped off the edge of the sidewalk and he fell back into the truck. The warm metal felt as though it would burn Jared's back. He swore and rolled along the fender then fumbled with the door until it finally opened.

"Jared! Wait!" The man called out. The voice made every nerve in Jared's body jolt.

The keys felt far too tiny in Jared's clumsy hands as he tried to get the truck started. He could, practically, _feel_ eyes on him as he finally managed to get the key into the ignition.

The engine roared to life and Jared slammed the gear shift back into reverse and hit the gas. The tires spun for a few moments and then caught the asphalt.

A horn blared, someone yelled and Jared slammed on the brakes. "Fuck!"

Tears welled in Jared's eyes and he could hardly see. All he could think about was trying to get back home.

Jared wiped furiously at his eyes and let out a weak groan.

When he looked up, he could see that people were staring. There were so many faces.

A tap on the passenger window made Jared's heart rush through the beats that followed. Even though he was terrified to see who was there, he turned his head slowly.

The man who couldn't possibly be _Jensen_ was standing just outside the truck. The man's pale palm was pressed to the window.

Before anything else could happen, Jared shoved the truck into gear and floored the gas pedal once again. The tires spun and then the truck lurched forward and all Jared could hear was a loud screeching.

He drove down Main Street trying desperately to stick to the speed limit.

His pulse quickened when he saw the highway. _It was not Jensen._

The truck suddenly felt stifling and it took three failed attempts before Jared could get the window open.

There was something _really_ cruel about a world that would put Jared through a day so insane. His stomach hurt and he leaned toward the open window to gulp at the air.

"Jesus _Christ_." Jared laughed hollowly and tried to push the hair out of his eyes. The hot air that was pouring in the window spiraled around Jared's body. Everywhere the air pulled at Jared's t-shirt he could feel the cold sensation of sweat evaporating.

He was getting sick; that had to be what was happening. He just needed to get home and lie down. It would all pass and by the time morning rolled around Jared would just feel silly for being so scared.

He had no idea how fast he'd been going or what the hell he'd been thinking but he was almost at the road to Talbot. _Home_. It felt like everything would be better as soon as Jared got home.

The gravel pinged off the undercarriage of the truck as Jared drove _way_ too fast down the road.

Jeff would _kill_ him if he saw how fast Jared was driving.

"Oh, God. Jeff." Jared had completely forgotten that he was supposed to meet Jeff for lunch. But, even, knowing that didn't stop Jared. In fact, he may have pressed the gas pedal a little harder.

When Talbot House finally loomed up in front of the truck, Jared slammed on the brakes. A huge cloud of dust finally managed to overtake the truck and, for a few seconds, Jared couldn't see much of anything.

The dust tickled Jared's throat and he coughed. Anger flooded into his body and he yanked the keys out of the ignition and threw them across the cab. The little bundle of keys thumped dully into the door then fell to the floor.

Jared couldn't stand to stay in the truck another moment. As soon as the truck door was open, he bolted for the cool comfort of the house.

The door slammed shut behind him and he whipped around to throw the deadbolt. "Shale!"

For a few moments Jared could only hear silence in the old house. Then he heard a thump from upstairs and the lighter thumps of paws on the second floor landing.

"Shale!" Jared could hear the desperation in his voice. But, _God_ he just wanted to be surrounded by things he was sure of.

A bark echoed through the house and then Jared saw a black and white blur as Shale streaked down the stairs. When he got to Jared's feet he was wiggling with pleasure. Jared didn't usually come home so soon after leaving.

Dropping down _hard_ on his knees, Jared wrapped his arms around Shale's neck and held on tightly. For his part, Shale did his best to lick every inch of Jared's face.

Jared closed his eyes and inhaled the warmth of Shale's fur. He smelled like he'd been lying in the sun upstairs, probably on Jared's bed where he usually slept. "It wasn't him, Shale."

Shale let out another quick bark and scurried back a little. When he looked up at Jared he tilted his head, dark eyes locked onto Jared's face.

"I'm going crazy," Jared said as he stared down at his dog. "I'm going completely crazy, Shale."

Shale's head tilted the other direction and he let out a low whine. He always seemed to know when there was something wrong with Jared. The moment he felt a little off, Shale would be right there at Jared's side. It never failed. Shale was _his_ dog.

Jared's shoulders slumped and he took a few deep breaths. There was a buzz in his back pocket and he pulled his phone out quickly and unlocked the screen.

It was a text from Jeff.

_**Jeff:** Sorry Babe. Trouble at the Cunningham's. Prichards complained. Can't make lunch. Will call tonight._

Jared tossed his phone onto the floor and closed his eyes.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

As far as Jared was concerned there was only one way to get over what had happened in town and that was just to ignore it.

There had to be a perfectly good explanation. Once Jared had managed to calm himself down, he decided that he had to be coming down with something. He had, after all, felt really hot and sweaty in the truck. Jared figured that had to be it.

He made himself some soup, mixed up some food for Shale then headed out to sit on the back veranda.

He set Shale's bowl down by the table outside and made himself comfortable.

Shale sat patiently by Jared's chair, tail sweeping the veranda surface behind him.

"Go ahead," Jared said.

He smiled when Shale bounced forward and stuffed his nose into the bowl so quickly that he sneezed a few seconds later.

Jared was so glad he had Shale. Jensen had once said that a house without a dog didn't feel like home. Jared wasn't sure that he'd believed that until Sasha had gotten ill. Something else he didn't want to think about.

"God, Shale. I think I need to get out more," Jared murmured.

Shale peered up at him for a few seconds then went back to crunching away at his food.

After he ate, Jared texted Jeff back. Keeping it simple, he said that the printer had been too busy and he would go again in the morning.

He refused to ask Jeff to come over; that would mean acknowledging there was a reason he didn't want to be alone. In keeping with his plan to make like nothing had happened, Jared simply said that he would see Jeff the next day.

The afternoon was easy. The sun was bright and Jared spent over an hour out back running Shale through all the commands he knew. Shale loved running and he could jump like a jack rabbit.

Eventually, the two of them had headed inside to drink some nice, cold water. If Jared made sure the back door was locked it was only because Jeff had cautioned him before about having a false sense of security while living in a small town.

Jared was going to try and take more of Jeff's advice.

By six that evening, Jared was in the kitchen making dinner. He kept it light in case he was getting ill, and headed upstairs as soon as he was done.

The comforting sound of Shale's claws on the hard wood made Jared smile. His faithful shadow.

On impulse, Jared ran up the stairs and darted into the office. He pushed the door closed and tried to be as quiet as he could.

Out in the hall, Shale padded back and forth then began to snuffled at the gap under the door. He was good with his nose. Nothing got past Shale when he was paying attention.

A paw appeared under the door and then Jared heard Shale flop down. After a few seconds, Shale let out a small bark.

Laughing, Jared pushed the door open so Shale could come in. Jared never own when they played hide and seek. "You're good."

Shale's eyes widened and he stared up at Jared as though he was trying to decide if the game was over.

"Wanna watch a movie?"

All Shale did was snort, and then shake his head.

"It wasn't Jensen," Jared reminded himself.

Whining softly, Shale crawled forward to rest his head on Jared's foot. "I'm fine," Jared murmured. Yeah. He was fine and that was why he was trying to convince himself that he was physically ill rather than completely losing his mind.

"Crazy," Jared muttered.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jared woke from a nightmare at about midnight. He'd gone to bed early; his schedule was all thrown off. Unfortunately, there were times when that led to bad dreams.

When he sat up in bed he was drenched in sweat and certain he'd heard someone knocking at the door downstairs. It was that strange feeling of uneasiness that accompanies awaking abruptly from a dream; he couldn't tell what was real and what had been nothing more than the imaginings of his tired mind.

Panting, Jaw aching because of the way he'd been clenchinghis teeth, Jared rubbed at the ache and strained his eyes as he looked around in the darkness.

A movement on the bed surprised Jared and he sighed in relief when he realized it was Shale.  
Jared heard the soft thump of Shale's paws as he jumped down off the end of the bed.

Then Jared could feel the _difference_ in the room. Shale had gone silent and when Jared squinted he could make out the crouched figure of his dog. Shale was _stalking_ something; for some reason, he thought there was something there.

Not daring to make any noise, Jared didn't call Shale off. If there _was_ anyone out there Jared _wanted_ Shale to scare them off.

"What the _Hell_ am I doing?" There had never been a moment before when Jared had been afraid of being alone in Talbot House. The damned place was his home.

"Ridiculous," Jared muttered. He swung his feet out of bed and stood. He listened for a few moments then adjusted his boxers and yawned.

Shale growled softly and alerted to the bedroom window. "Thanks for the help, Shale. I'm not nearly paranoid enough on my own." He stared over at Shale but the dog completely ignored him.

"It's probably a rabbit," Jared told Shale. "Or a raccoon."

The only sound in the room was the low growl in the back of Shale's throat.

The hair on the back of Jared's neck stood and he ran a hand down over it. "You're gonna feel really stupid later when you realize there's nothing outside, Shale."

Something thumped outside the window and Jared spun so fast he nearly fell over.

Shale's tail was low; his ears flattening back against his head.

"Shale," Jared whispered.

Instantly, the dog fell silent and backed away from the window slowly.

There was another thump and then something pinged off the closed window.

Jared had no idea who or what was outside the window. He crept towards the bedroom door and whispered for Shale to heel.

As usual, Shale moved almost silently and fell into step at Jared's heel.

They slipped out of the bedroom door and moved quietly down the stairs. After the day Jared had been blessed with, if someone was outside fucking with him, they were likely to get a beating.

Jared's eyes darted around the living room until they settled on the iron poker by the fireplace. He moved along the back of the couch quietly and picked up the poker from the stand as quietly as he could.

Shale growled softly. There were footsteps on the front veranda.

Jared stiffened and held the poker up as he moved slowly towards the front window.

A shadow slipped through the arch of light from the overhead lantern and Jared took a step backwards.

Shale was practically vibrating against Jared's leg; he was as tense as a bow string. Jared reached down and touched his fingers gently to Shale's head.

The shadow moved past the window again, then stopped and, of all things, tapped on the window.

The sound of the tapping on the glass sent shivers down Jared's bare flesh.

"What do you want?" Jared yelled.

Shale's paws slid over the hardwood as he shied away from the sound of Jared's voice.

There was only silence for a few moments and then there was a more confident knock on the door.

Jared checked the door to make sure the chain was on and then he undid the deadbolt. He took a deep breath and pulled the door open. It bumped against the pull of the short chain and Jared peered out into the darkness.

Unmistakable green eyes were staring back at Jared and he shook his head.

Shale took a sniff of the warm night air and barked sharply.

"Jared?"

Jared's heart started to thump and lurch in his chest. Something deep inside him snapped and he threw the poker down and snatched the chain off the door and yanked it open.

Shale skittered away from the poker, barking and circled back around to snarl at the open door.

"Jared. It's me! Jared, please."

Jared froze. It was all happening again, he really was going insane.

_Jensen_ was standing on the veranda. The man looked a little scared; his hands were held out in front of him as though he wanted Jared to see he posed no threat. Jared had hoped that when he pulled the door open - this _man_ would have disappeared.

The only thing Jared could do was shake his head back and forth slowly. He couldn't believe what was happening. He'd been through _so_ much and he'd managed to be okay. Now, it was all falling apart.

That's what had happened. It was finally too much for him; he was just going to crack.

"Jared, please. It's me. It's Jensen," the man said. When he took a step forward, Shale growled threateningly and stepped in front of Jared.

Blinking in disbelief, Jared stood his ground and hooked his fingers over Shale's collar. "Quiet, Shale."

The man's eyes - _Jensen's_ eyes, Oh God - widened and he looked down at Shale. "I thought - I was sure that was Sasha."

The room began spinning and Jared took a step to the side and nearly fell before he managed to make it to bench. He sat down heavily; the buzzing in Jared's ears was so loud; it was almost painful.

"Jared? Are you okay?"

Smooth, warm fingers moved over Jared's forehead then down his cheeks. "She's dead," Jared whispered so the words would be absorbed by the vicious hissing in his ears. _Sasha_. The name glided through Jared's mind. _Sasha._

Jared struggled to move back from the warmth of the man's hands. All he managed to do was turn into the man's palm. He had _completely_ forgotten the way Jensen used to smell. Just after his lover had died, Jared would pull Jensen's shirts out of the hamper and smell them. The smell had disappeared long ago - but now, Jared would know it anywhere.

Jared sucked in a deep breath and the familiar scent was like a punch to the gut. He doubled over in pain and scrambled away from the scent of his lover. There was no way that Jensen was standing in front of him, touching him….no way. He couldn't have come back after ten years.

"Jensen," he said weakly. Then his vision darkened and he was swallowed up by the sound of his own blood racing through his veins.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jared could feel the warm weight of Shale pressing against his leg. He stretched his hand down and stroked the velvet soft skin on Shale's nose. _What_ a fucked up dream.

Something cool and damp was pressed to Jared's forehead. He sighed, blowing away some of the tension that had gripped him so tightly.

The damp cloth felt good. And then Jared could feel fingers moving through his hair. Turning into the touch, Jared felt something long since forgotten begin to unfurl inside his chest.

The feeling was familiar, intense and Jared felt the burn of tears in his eyes.

"Jared?" The voice was quiet and gentle. Jared recognized it immediately. "Are you alright, Jared?"

Jared shook his head and squeezed his eyes shut tightly before managing to blink them open again.

_Jensen_ looked worried. He caught his bottom lip between his teeth as he studied Jared's face. They were like two leopards circling around each other.

"Is it you?" Jared asked. His voice was gruff, his throat dry.

Jensen's lips moved into a sad smile and he nodded. He reached over to pick up the cool cloth from Jared's forehead and then pressed it to Jared's neck. "You passed out."

Eyes widening, Jared shifted slightly and stared. "You're - you were dead. You're supposed to be … dead." It was difficult to actually use the word _dead_.

Jensen was sitting on the edge of the bed; so he definitely wasn't _dead._

Shale snorted and flopped his head down on Jared's bare thigh. "S'okay, Shale."

The dog's tail thumped against the mattress and Jared smiled.

"He looks like Sasha. I thought he _was_ her." Jensen smiled and pressed the cloth to Jared's cheek.

"I had her bred. Just after you-" Jared was only able to put the craziness aside for a few moments at a time. "She had five puppies. I kept Shale."

"She's gone." Jensen blinked slowly and Jared took a chance and studied the man's face.

Jared nodded. Even after all the time that had passed he could still feel the weight of that horrible day. "She was really ill. I had to …" Jared swallowed, his throat tight and dry.

Jensen nodded. "You were with her?"

"Of course," Jared said a little too sharply. It hurt to be asked. He'd loved Sasha just as much as Jensen did. And, really, why were they talking about Sasha? Jensen was standing in front of him. _Jensen_ , the dead love of his life.

"Of course you were," Jensen clarified.

"She was twelve. I tried everything. I even hand fed her for a while - " Jared's mouth fell open. His _dead_ lover was sitting in front of him and they were talking about their dog. 

The expression on his face must have changed dramatically because Jensen sat back slightly and set the cloth down near Jared's hand. "Jared, I can explain."

Jared's eyes widened and he propped himself up on his elbows. "You can explain? _Explain_? You're supposed to be dead. You're dead. This - I went to a funeral for you. I ordered flowers and told your relatives and there's a, there's a tombstone. And you can _explain_?"

"Jared. I'm gonna need you to stay calm." Jensen was looking worried again but all that did was make Jared want to punch him.

"Stay calm? Do you even hear what you're saying to me? Was I with Sasha when she died? She was _my_ fucking dog because _you_ are gone. You were dead. I've - I've - the house - I've been running everything. The men call me Boss now. I ride the fences and break horses. I took care of Murphy. I still ride him because I figured he misses you - missed - will miss. _Fuck!_." Jared rolled away from Jensen and tried to stand before he was untangled from the blanket that was covering him. The floor came up quickly and Jared moaned in pain when both knees became the victim of carpet burn. 

"Jesus Christ, are you okay, Jared?" Jensen stood but, wisely, kept to the other side of the bed.

"No, I'm not okay!" Jared crawled towards the chair where he'd left his clothes when he'd gone to bed. With the help of the chair back he managed to get up to his feet then grabbed his jeans so he could struggle into them. It was suddenly all too much; he was in his underwear talking to his _dead_ lover about their dead dog. It was so ridiculous, it _had_ to be some kind of mental breakdown. "Of _course_ I'm not fucking okay. Why would I _be_ okay?"

Jensen moved to the end of the bed but kept his distance. He didn't look much better than Jared; his face had taken on a fearful countenance. "Jared, I know how confusing this is. I - I'm not even sure where to start. But there are things I need to tell you."

As Jared buttoned up his jeans he laughed sharply then turned to grab his t-shirt. "Like where you were for that last ten years? Do you have _any_ idea what it was like after you died… after… whatever-the-fuck you did?"

Jared shook his head in disbelief. How could they even come back from a conversation like this? Pulling the t-shirt down over his head, Jared closed his eyes. He needed everything to stop. He needed to go somewhere, do something… _fuck_ he didn't know what he wanted.

"Jared. Please. Give me ten minutes and then I'll go and you never have to see me again." Jensen voice trembled slightly; the first sign of emotion Jared had even noticed.

"Ten minutes," Jared echoed. Jensen was gone for ten years, and while Jared was trying to rebuild his life, clearly, Jensen had been doing that somewhere else. "Ten years in ten minutes, this outta be good."

When Jared looked up at Jensen, the man had closed his eyes. He looked exhausted and there were furrows along his brow; he always frowned when he was worried. He _had_ always, Jared reminded himself, but that was ten years in the past.

For a few moments, both men were silent. Part of Jared's mind was still running over the past few moments and trying to understand what had happened. Ten years was an impossibly long time. Jared was different, he'd changed in so many ways and Jensen probably had too. They weren't the same men they'd been when they were last together. Jared wasn't even sure he owed Jensen the ten minutes of listening; he wasn't feeling very gracious about the entire situation.

"Okay," Jared said quietly. He folded his arms across his chest. 

Jensen was just staring and Jared started to feel even more uncomfortable. As if sensing his mood, Shale jumped down off the bed and paced in a circle between them, keeping an eye on Jensen. "Shale, come."

For some reason, Jared didn't want Jensen touching Shale. It was like the merging of two different lives. Jared was sure that Shale gave him a look as he padded over the flop down at his feet. "How did you get near me anyway? Shale doesn't like strangers."

Jared could be wrong, but he was pretty sure Jensen looked close to tears. "I guess he didn't think I was as much of a stranger as you do."

"I guess not," Jared murmured. "Downstairs." He held out his hand directing Jensen toward the door. If Jared _had_ to listen to Jensen's crazy story, he was going to do it downstairs, comfortable with a glass of whisky.


	2. Chapter 2

Jared felt no better once they were downstairs. It felt strange to be in the kitchen and _know_ that Jensen was less than twenty feet away. Hell, it was completely unreal that Jensen was _anywhere_ at all.

Deciding against a single drink, Jared walked back into the living room with two tumblers and a bottle of expensive whisky.

The bottle hit the coffee table a bit harder than Jared meant it to. He saw Jensen flinch out of the corner of his eye. For some reason, it made him feel a little better to know that Jensen was nervous; he deserved to be uncomfortable.

After a deep breath, Jared sat down in the armchair. The fire was still crackling and popping behind the chair. If it weren't for the fact that he was about to talk to his _dead_ lover, it would be the set up for a great evening.

"What?" Jensen asked.

Jared realized he must have been smiling at the absurdity of the situation. It faded from his face quickly.

Rather than answering the question, Jared called Shale to heel and poured himself a drink. When he sat back in the chair he tried to hide the fact that his hands were shaking.

Although Shale was sitting patiently at Jared's feet, he kept his eyes on Jensen. It was strange, the way Shale was reacting to Jensen. Usually, he didn't warm to strangers for three or four visits. Shale had definitely filed Jensen under the _no threat_ category.

"Help yourself," Jared said. No way was he pouring Jensen a drink as though they were just two old friends having an evening together. "And talk."

The furrows on Jensen's forehead deepened and he pushed the tumbler away from him before sitting back. "I don't recall you being _this_ abrupt."

"Well, maybe that was before the guy I was going to marry died," Jared spat.

There was a wry smile on Jensen's face that made it nowhere near his eyes. He looked down at the table for a while then, finally, looked up at Jared. "It's a long story - you want me to tell you where -"

"Just tell me the basics." Jared wasn't intending to sound so bitter but it just kept happening every time he spoke. He knew he had a right to be angry but he'd never been an unkind person.

"Look," Jared began again in a steadier tone. "I don't know how to deal with what's going on. I mean, I don't even _know_ what's going on. So - just. Just tell me what I need to know to understand what's happening."

For _entirely_ too long, Jensen just stared at Jared as though he'd never even seen him before.

"Please," Jared added as a consolation.

"Okay," Jensen said quietly. "I've thought about this so many times before and I never thought about how to start." Jensen laughed dryly. "Stupid, huh?"

Deciding to reserve judgment till he'd heard some kind of explanation, Jared just shrugged.

Shale huffed and rested his head on Jared's knee; he was probably wondering why they were all downstairs in the middle of the night instead of asleep.

"There were some things that I kept from you-"

Jared's laughter was immediate and loud. Shale started back and circled around to the other side of the chair. The scowl on Jensen's face was pretty intense. Jared almost felt guilty.

"You know, this will go a lot faster and you'll get me out of here _that_ much faster, if you let me talk" Jensen said firmly. "Okay?"

Acting had never been one of Jared's strengths so he knew there was no point in trying to hide his regret. Maybe he _was_ being a little hard on Jensen. "Okay."

Jensen rubbed his forehead then dragged his hand back over his close-cropped hair. "Right after Mom and Dad … right after they died there were problems that I didn't tell you about. Dad was having financial issues, big ones. None of us knew about it. There was some kind of dispute over some land records. The short version is that dad had to come up with a Loy of money to pay off a neighbor in order to keep the ranch together. I don't really understand where it all came from but, basically, we were going to lose Talbot."

"What?" It was hard for Jared to believe what he was hearing. Losing Talbot? It had been in the Ackles family for generations as far as Jared knew.

"Please, Jared. Let me get through this," Jensen pleaded. His face was drawn, his eyes sad.

"I don't know all the details but what I do know is that the damage was done long before the House and Land were mine. Dad had never said a word to me about it. Maybe he had blind faith that he would work it all out. I'll never know." Jensen paused and took a deep breath.

Jared realized that he would definitely be needing more than one drink. He figured that one way or another he was about to learn that everything he'd believed was a lie.

"I decided to try and figure it out before I told you about it. Didn't seem any point in both of us worried sick over it." Jensen sank down into the couch a little more.

"I started searching through the house. You - you were going to be moving in here and I only had a few days to try and find some kind of answer." Seemingly, Jensen had changed his mind about that drink. He leaned forward and poured some whisky.

The room felt too warm and too cold at the same time, and Jared found it a little difficult to catch his breath.

Jensen emptied the glass and set it back down on the table. "I found a contract in the middle of all of Dad's _crap_. Basically, it was a contract for work - the marketing company Dad had. _God_ , Jared there was just - there _is_ so much I don't know, gaps that I can't fill in." He took a deep breath and clasped his hands together.

"The contract was with an old friend of Dad's named Steven. He'd been around a lot when I was a kid but I hadn't seen him for years." Jensen shook his head as though he was still trying to work things out.

Jared couldn't stop staring at Jensen. It was a little like being trapped in some kind of strange dream. One foot in reality, one in the dream. Jared drank some more whisky.

"I called Steven. He seemed like the same old guy I remembered from when I was a kid. Same happy guy that my Dad always trusted. So - I came right out and asked him about the contract. It was enough to save the house and all the land. Dad had supervised the planning and building of a ranch for Steven in another state. The money Steven owed him would have been enough to buy off the disputed land here. 

When I got hold of Steven said that he and my father had informally agreed to put off the payment of the contract just to make things run a little more smoothly for Steven's company."

Jared couldn't resist the urge to say something a moment longer. "I'm gonna go ahead and assume the contract didn't work out in your favour."

For the moment, Jensen seemed content to ignore Jared's little digs. "No. It didn't. But I'll get to that in a minute. This is the part where I really fucked things up."

"It gets worse?" Jared asked quite genuinely. He found it a little hard to believe. But a lot of unbelievable things had happened since the day had started.

"I trusted Steven. I believed him when he said that he would get the money to me at the end of the month. He said it wasn't a problem and he would have no trouble getting it sorted out. He said I just had to buy myself some time...a month." The blood had drained from Jensen's face and he rubbed his thumb along his bottom lip.

Jared's eyes widened. "You always used to do that when you were nervous about telling me something," Jared murmured.

Looking at his hands as though it had betrayed him. Jensen shook his head slowly. "You think there's any part of this I'm happy to be telling you?"

It was a question that Jared didn't know the answer to. "You didn't have to tell me a thing. You could have just kept living … whatever life it is you were living and I would have been none-the-wiser."

"When did you start hating me?" Jensen asked.

Jared opened his mouth to protest but Jensen held up his hand. "Don't. I don't want to know. And you're wrong, for the record, I have to be here or _yes_ I would have left you alone to live your life."

That was a statement Jared hadn't expected but expectations were proving to be a really bad gamble for Jared.

"Because it was only a month, I went to Mark Sheppard and -"

"Mark Sheppard?!" Jared stood up so quickly that Shale scurried around the table to sit near Jensen. "Did you completely lose your mind? He's a criminal, everyone knows that. Jeff's talked about him to us; he warned everyone away from that guy and his family. How could you-"

"Stop!" Jensen's voice was so loud that it echoed in the big, old house.

Shale stood again and padded back to sit near Jared's chair. He whined quietly.

Jared took a deep breath and reached down to stroke Shale's neck.

The chair slid a little when Jared threw himself back down into it. All he wanted was for Jensen to get the story out and just _go away_ so that Jared's life could go back to normal.

"It all fucking went to shit," Jensen said a little too loudly. "Steven had lied. He had no intention of paying us what he owed Dad. So - I'd borrowed money from the Sheppards and had no money coming in-"

"You borrowed money from the Sheppards?" Jared asked incredulously. Another storm was beginning to swirl around in Jared's mind. How the hell had he _missed_ all the secrets when he'd been living with Jensen. As far as he'd known they had no secrets from one another. There were times when Jensen was off on his own but Jared had never had any reason to mistrust him.

"I went to the FBI," Jensen said quickly.

That just kind of sent Jared over the edge; he laughed again. "The FBI? For Christ's sake, Jensen. How gullible do you think I am?"

"Jare, I have nothing left to lose here. Why would I lie? Think about that for a while. Just _think_ ," Jensen said a little cooly.

"Okay," Jared said wearily. "You went to the FBI … then what?" The whole thing was too far out to even make any sense.

"He threatened _you_ , Jared," Jensen said quietly. "Sheppard said that if I didn't get the money back to him, he'd kill you. That's why I went to the FBI. How the Hell was I supposed to go to Jeff with something like that? He's the only other person I even care about - I couldn't involve him as well. You two were all the family I had left. " Jensen took a deep breath and stared across the room at Jared.

The mention of Jeff's name made Jared feel nauseous. _Jeff_. He'd not thought of Jeff once since Jensen had arrived that evening. If he'd _only_ been less stubborn and asked Jeff to come over.

Jared's head hurt and he slid both hands into his hair and let his head hang, heavy between his shoulders.

"I couldn't lose you," Jensen said softly. "So I agreed to be a witness. I made an official statement about the money and the arrangement I'd had with Sheppard. I wore a wire and _God_ \- I know this sounds like a bad movie plot. I know it. But, it's the truth."

When Jensen was quiet for a while, Jared looked up. It took a few seconds for his eyes to focus. Jensen was holding something out then seemed to change his mind and tossed it onto the table between them.

Leaning forward, Jared picked up an out-of-state driver's licence. He flipped it over and found himself looking at a, typically awful, DMV photo. None of the other information on the license made any sense. The name on the I.D. was _John Miller_ , the birth date was wrong and the address was some small town that Jared had never even heard of.

"I had to be protected. As long as Sheppard couldn't get to me then you were safe. So - I had to go. There was no way that Sheppard would let things go so it had to be for the rest of my life. that was the only way to guarantee your safety.

Jared couldn't believe what he was hearing. He hadn't even really thought that things like that _actually_ happened. It was so far-fetched it sounded like fiction.

"He went to jail," Jensen continued. "Twenty years or something stupid like that. Not enough time for everything I'd seen and heard."

"What did you see?" For the first time Jared was starting to feel a little anxious. He had no idea what Jensen had been through but Jensen looked traumatized.

"I - I'm not gonna go into all that. You don't need to hear it. Trust me."

The look on Jensen's face was a little frightening, he looked years older than he should, exhausted and worn down. Honestly, he looked like he'd been through absolutely hell.

"Why are you back now?" Jared finally asked. "Are you safe?"

"I wouldn't have come here unless you _were_ safe, Jared," Jensen said without looking up.

"That's not what I asked, Jensen. Are _you_ okay?" Jared's stomach was tied in knots and he was exhausted.

"Sheppard's dead. Someone killed him while he was incarcerated. Stabbed him." Jensen fell silent and stared down at his hands. "Alan, my contact, let me know that he was gone and two more of the Sheppards had been arrested. The rest of their organization all just fell apart after that."

"And here you are," Jared said.

"I know how all of this sounds, Jared. But I know I don't have much time with you - and there's _so_ much more. Months of talking would only scratch the surface of what's happened in the past ten years. Here." Jensen opened his wallet again and tossed a business card on the coffee table.

The card stopped face up in front of Jared.

"That's Alan's card. He knows I'm here and knows that you're gonna have questions-"

"I have a question. Why didn't you take me with you?" Jared blurted out. He knew he would have gladly gone with Jensen. He had been so in love he would have followed Jensen anywhere without even needing an explanation.

Shaking his head, Jensen rolled his shoulders back. "No. No way. You had a life here. You loved Talbot as much as I did - maybe even more. And _you_ hadn't done anything wrong. That was all on me."

It was infuriating, the way Jensen kept his gaze averted. That was how Jared had always known when Jensen was telling the truth. "Jensen, look at me."

Jensen stayed still.

"Please," Jared said quietly. He regretted the request as soon as he saw Jensen's face. A glassy border of tears had gathered along Jensen's long dark eyelashes.

"Why did you leave me here?"

"I told you."

"But, I would have known. I could have helped." It was all so far in the past that Jared had no idea why he needed to know Jensen's answer.

"You were happy here. And I knew - I mean I guessed that you would find a way to be happy. It's just not _in_ you to be on the run. And you _are_ happy. Even in the storm last week you were okay."

"Wait," Jared interjected. "How long have you been back?" The cool chill was back in Jared's body again.

"Sheppard was killed a few months back. I was trying to sort everything out before I came to you. I mean it's complicated now that I'm back."

Frowning, Jared flicked the card back towards Jensen's side of the table. He had no intention of checking with anyone. He might not be ready to admit it out loud but Jared could tell Jensen wasn't lying. Even if Jared didn't know Jensen, the look on Jensen's face was telling. "There's just…"

"What?" Jensen grabbed the bottom of his t-shirt and pulled it up to wipe at his eyes.

"I could have gone with you. I wasn't here because Talbot was my home. I was here because _you_ were my home. If you've come because you want it all back - have it. It's yours."

This time, it was Jensen who stood.

"What?"

"Everything I just told you and what you take away is that I've come here to tear everything out from under you?"

Rhetorical or not, Jared wasn't going to let _that_ pass.

"I really don't know why you're here," Jared said. A gut reaction, sure but he'd never been more confused about anything before in his entire life. "You - you left me. You were my _whole_ life. Do you even understand that?" Weary of the entire day, Jared just leaned forward and stared down at Shale.

"You think leaving you was _easy_?" Jensen's voice broke and the tension in it made Jared even more afraid to look up.

"Apparently, it was easy enough-"

"Don't you _dare_ , Jared. I did all of this for you. Every miserable second of being alone and missing you-"

"I didn't have anyone to miss!" Jared yelled. "I had a grave to visit on Sundays. At least you knew I was alive and you could have come back any time."

They were both quiet for a while, both of them catching their breath. Shale's tail thumped against the chair as he peered up at Jared. Jared felt a little bad for him. The dog might be the only one who understood even less than Jared.

It felt like hours had passed and Jared looked up at Jensen. "What now?"

Jensen's eyes widened and he shook his head slowly. "I came here because I could. It was finally safe for everyone. I didn't really think much beyond that."

One of the problems Jensen had always had was acting first and thinking later. That wasn't working out so well for him in the current situation.

"So," Jared said softly. "You just thought you'd show up here and slot yourself back into my life like nothing happened?"

"No," Jensen said quickly. He strode around the couch and dropped into a crouch by Jared's leg.

The movement drew a warning growl from Shale and Jared didn't know which way to move. Instinct had him reaching for Shale even as he shied away from the overwhelming pull of Jensen's presence. What once, would have been so natural, to reach out and touch Jensen, felt like the most frightening thing in the world.

"Jared, I need you to understand that I did this for you." Jensen's eyes were wide and glassy, full of emotion.

As calmly as he could manage, Jared shifted over in the chair - creating distance where there really wasn't any. He didn't need Jensen that close to him, not at all.

"Look. It's the middle of the night, Jensen. This isn't the best time for all of this."

"All of this?" Jensen grabbed Jared's hand and held on tightly.

"Don't." It took a fair amount of willpower not to cover Jensen's hand - sandwich their palms together like they always used to - _I love you_ , _me too._

"I came back because you've always been where I go to," Jensen said softly. "And, I know things-"

"No. You don't know, Jensen. It's all different now-" Jared's voice broke and he shook his head. "What do you do when the man you love more than the rest of the world dies? You go on with your life. What do you do when he comes back?"

Panic was taking hold of Jared. None of it was supposed to happen the way it was. _None_ of it. He was sure he'd never understood the meaning of unfair before seeing Jensen's face just outside his door.

There was no way Jared could deal with anything else. Not a single thing. Jared closed his eyes as tightly as he could, hoping that everything would just go back to normal.

A pull on Jared's hand yanked him to the side; he was disoriented, tired and wishing for everything to be different.

In a moment it was different. Full, sweet-as-nectar lips slid over Jared's. Years were erased as a strong hand slid into Jared's hair. Damn near every nerve in Jared's body was afire with the sensation of that kiss. All of the world narrowed down to each passing slide of hot, smooth lips and left Jared's entire body trembling. He jerked forwards in the chair when his lips parted.

The taste of Jensen was _just_ as Jared remembered it. All sweet and fresh, it was _coming home_ and it was _in my heart_ all at the same time. A layer of healing was torn off Jared's heart and it was a fresh wound all over again.

He pulled back. It was the hardest thing Jared had ever done. At least, he thought it was until he looked down into Jensen's eyes.

That upturned face was as perfectly beautiful as Jared remembered it. Little freckled paths trailed across his cheeks and they were fourteen years old again. Jensen was that young boy that earned all of Jared's heart in one summer.

Something bit hard at Jared's chest; it felt like all the blood would just drain right out of him. "Jensen, get out."

Jensen froze instantly and Jared sucked in a deep breath as though he might be able to draw the words back into his body. He just knew no other way out.

For a few seconds it looked as though Jensen was going to argue, protest, say _something_. Maybe if Jared looked deep inside himself, he really wanted Jensen to fight.

But there was no protest.

Agitated and unsure, Shale padded back a few steps and whined.

"Get out," Jared said again. He'd wanted Jensen to, at least, give a reason why he should stay but maybe that had never been Jensen's intention.

"Jared, don't do this. Just let me explain some more. I can show-"

"No." Jared stood so quickly that Shale ran half way across the room.

Everything felt wrong, off kilter, out of balance. "Leave."

His soul ached with the idea of facing the same loss a second time. But, Jesus, there was only so much he could even figure out on his own.

For his part, Jensen seemed either too stunned or too stubborn to move. If he didn't get out of there, Jared was going to completely unravel.

"Please," he said softly. "I can be out of here by the end of the week. It's your home, not gonna fight you in that-"

Jensen almost threw Jared's hand away. "I didn't come back here to-"

"Get out! Fuck." Jared threw himself out of the chair and banged into the coffee table. The empty glasses slid off the table and smashed on the tile floor.

Jensen lifted his hand for a few moments then let it drop back to his side again.

Jared held his breath.

When Jensen stood up he swayed slightly then turned slowly. His broad back was tense, the muscles taught under the t-shirt. Then he was walking away.

It wasn't until the door closed behind Jensen that Jared could even _breathe_ again. It didn't last long though.

His chest tightened. Every muscle in Jared's body locked down, gave up and Jared only just managed to make it to the couch. He collapsed down on it and reached blindly for Shale.

The first few breaths he attempted failed miserably and Jared's vision sparkled a little as he struggled for air.

How had things _ever_ gone so wrong? Why did he deserve it?"

The tears were welcome. The salty heat of them felt good on Jared's cold skin. He buried his face in Shales fur, arms wrapped tight around the dog's neck. He had no idea how he was going to get all of his stuff out.

He settled back onto the couch and Shale, sensing it was a good time to break the rules, hopped up onto the couch and lay down.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Jeff showed up at Talbot first thing in the morning with coffees and breakfast. About an hour after he arrived, everything still sat untouched on the dining room table.

As soon as Jeff had arrived, Jared had launched into his interpretation of the events of the previous night.

Jared hadn't been sure what to expect from Jeff. What he definitely hadn't expected was the chilling silence that fell over the man. He'd looked surprised, naturally, but that had only lasted a few minutes. Then Jeff had just looked … dangerous.

An hour into his explanation, Jared really had no idea how Jeff was feeling.

"You're very quiet," Jared said when he'd gone over most of what he could remember and about a tenth of what he was feeling.

Raising his eyebrows, Jeff covered his mouth for a while. Jared was kind of relieved that Jeff was in jeans and a t-shirt rather than in uniform and carrying a side-arm.

"Jeff?"

"I'm not sure I know what to say."

That was a familiar feeling for Jared. When he'd woken in the morning, after only a couple of hours of sleep, he was at a bit of a los himself.

"I don't know what to do," Jared said.

The sigh that Jeff let out spoke volumes about how frustrating the entire situation was. "I'm still trying to absorb all this. I can't understand why he…"

When Jeff didn't continue Jared reached across the table to grab his hand. "What?"

"I can't be part of this," Jeff said abruptly. 

"What?" That wasn't, at all, the answer Jared had expected.

Jeff looked a little worried and about as confused as Jared had ever seen him. "I can't help you decide what to do. I just can't…"

It annoyed Jared that Jeff would withdraw from something so important.

"Jeff? This isn't a court case or something. No one cares if there's a conflict of interest or anything like that."

A half-smile appeared on Jeff's face. "I care, Jared. I can't influence your decision. I just can't."

Frustrated, Jared withdrew his hand so he could sit back in his chair. "I _don't_ accept that. You and I - we're together. How can you just check out of something like this?"

"Can I tell you something?" The expression on Jeff's face warmed and he smiled at Jared.

"Do you remember the day Jensen introduced us?" Jeff asked.

There wasn't the slightest possibility Jared would have forgotten that day. It had been one of those long summer days that seemed to go on forever. Jared hadn't known Jensen very long; he had only just met him. They were at the old, abandoned Drive-In Theatre; clouds of dust swirled behind them as they wound their way through the old speaker stands.

Jeff had been leaning against the projection building smoking a cigarette. In his loose jeans, white tee and boots he'd seemed much older and more than a little out of their league.

Jeff's smile warmed even more and he dropped his gaze to the table between them. "When Jensen introduced you to me I thought you were gorgeous. And what was crazy was that you seemed to have _no_ idea."

As frustrated as Jared was, the admission made him smile slightly. They'd not spoken a great deal about those years. What Jared _had_ known was that, as a teenager, he'd had no idea how much Jeff had wanted him.

"It only took me a little while to see that you were drawn to Jensen. You didn't even seem to know what it was that you were feeling." There was a distance in Jeff's gaze as though he was lost in those memories.

Relaxing _just_ a little, Jared leaned forward and rested his arms on the table. "You were like the out-of-bounds older brother."

Jeff chuckled a little and scratched his head. "God, Jared. I can't even imagine how you feel. I mean - I _know_ how you feel f- felt about him then."

"Is that as close as you'll come to asking how I feel about him now?" Jared had to respect Jeff for trying to be impartial but he wasn't sure it was the right time for it.

Jeff shook his head. "I'm not askin'."

"Because you don't think I know?"

Jeff wouldn't be far off the mark if that was it.

"No," Jeff said softly. "Because I _know_ how you feel."

Jared looked up quickly. The look on Jeff's face made Jared feel the pain of a knife-slide into his heart, sharp and thin. "Jeff, I don't even-"

"C'mon, Jared. We're not talking about someone you drifted away from. If that accident hadn't happened, you two would still be together."

Jared couldn't deny it, but it seemed a little unfair. Neither of them could predict what would have happened. "We were _very_ young, Jeff."

Nodding, Jeff closed his eyes for a few moments before opening them to fix his gaze on Jared. "What do you want?"

"From you?"

"From Jensen," Jeff answered quickly.

"I-" Several things ran through Jared's mind, and not _one_ of them was an answer to Jeff's question.

As he thought about it, hurt kept creeping around in Jared's mind. "He _left_ me, Jeff. If he loved me as much as I loved him , he never would have left." It sounded more bitter than Jared expected. But he was working with what he had. _Nothing_ would have made Jared _leave_ Jensen. Nothing.

It looked like Jeff might disagree, but then his expression changed gain. "What are you gonna do?"

Jared had done nothing but think about what had happened and what to do. It was like being stuck in some kind of loop. He knew how he'd felt about Jensen ten years before. He had _no_ idea what he felt that very moment.

Jensen had been the love of Jared's life when he had walked out the door. One thing Jared had learned about himself was that he didn't stop loving someone if they died. What that meant was that he was still in love with the man who had died at the edge of the canyon so many years before. Now that he knew Jensen hadn't died, he wasn't sure what that meant.

"Look," Jeff said after too much silence. "Let's heat up what we can rescue of that breakfast, and let's just try and absorb some of this."

Jared felt a little like there wasn't enough time left in the life of the world for him to figure anything out. But, maybe Jeff was right. "I could eat," Jared muttered.

As if he'd like them to know he'd been ignored for _far_ too long, Shale barked softly from under the table.

Jeff pushed his chair back so he could look under the table. "Aw, baby. You feelin' left out?"

Jared smiled when Shale's tail thumped against his foot. Jared knew it would only be a few seconds before Jeff joined the dog on the floor. That was how things worked between the two men in his life. It actually only took one second.

"Do you want to leave here?" Jeff asked.

"Talbot belongs to Jensen." The answer was obvious to Jared. Of that one thing, Jared was certain. Talbot was Jensen's home; he'd grown up there. And, as it turned out, he'd sacrificed his life for the place. "All of this happened so he could keep Talbot."

Jeff stopped petting Shale looked enough to peer over the table at Jared. "I don't think it was for Talbot. I think it was for you."

If Jeff was right, Jensen had been telling the truth and that would all be a little too much to take. "I didn't need a house, I needed-" Jared's teeth landed hard on his bottom lip.

"Him?" Jeff's hand moved over Shales' silky, black fur.

"Then."

"And now?" Jeff's voice was gentle, the question pointed.

If Jared could just pause the world, he would just walk away. He could take the years he would need to sort out the knot of emotions lodged in his chest. "I don't know what I need. I spent a long time making sure I didn't need anything or anyone after Jensen's death." Jared sighed and Jeff gave a short nod.

All morning Jared had been feeling the grate of unshed tears. He rubbed his eyes. "Jeff, when he - when he _left_ it wasn't just that I didn't know how to run Talbot or cook myself dinner. I didn't know how to _breathe_. We had done everything together; I couldn't imagine summer without him, sitting through a storm, riding alone.

"I remember," Jeff said sadly. "I was there."

"And you're here now."

"But I'm not Jensen."

Jared stood and walked around the table until he could trail his fingers through Jeff's hair. "No. You're not. But you never were."

Shale sat up and licked Jeff's face and Jared laughed softly. "Didn't you tell me I was getting breakfast?"

"Sure did." Jeff groaned as he climbed to his feet.

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

Things between them were a little strained for the rest of the morning and into the early afternoon.

Jeff had offered to leave and Jared had refused. He was _trying_ to do what they usually did on their days off. They would normally be out for a walk somewhere with Shale. They might be fixing something on the property.

What they _were_ doing was moving around the house like two ghosts.

Even Shale was quiet. That is, Shale was quiet until there was a knock at the door.

Jeff titled his head slightly, looked at Jared then at the door.

Never once before had Jared been leery about answering his own door.

By the time Jared stood, Shale had worked himself into a frenzy. Loud barks were echoing from the lobby to the kitchen and Jared couldn't help flinching at the noise. He head was already pounding and his eyes were aching from an, almost sleepless, night. Basically, he felt like death warmed over. The barks were just the last straw.

"Shale! Quiet!" The yell came out a little louder than Jared had intended.

Jeff looked a little surprised when he looked up. "Jesus."

"Sorry. I'm just about the end of my rope here."

By the door, Shale was laying with his head on his paws looking a bit guilty. That just made Jared feel worse; it wasn't Shale's fault.

"Sorry, Buddy," Jared murmured as he headed towards the door. He paused long enough to bend down and scratch Shale behind the ear.

As he stood again Jared wrapped his fingers around the doorknob and took a deep breath. When he yanked the door open, the first glimpse of Jensen made his stomach flip. It was the last confirmation that the previous night hadn't just been some crazy dream.

Words failed Jared for a few moments. Although he would never admit it, his silence was a result of just _seeing_ Jensen standing there in the late afternoon sun.

Jensen looked a bit weary but he was still gorgeous. Maybe even more so with the wounded look in his eyes. The green of those eyes seemed darker, his cheeks were rosy, window blown and Jared looked past Jensen to find there was no vehicle. "You walked?"

Looking a little taken aback, Jensen shrugged. "Morning. I Got a ride part way. Needed to walk."

Jared looked down. "Sorry. Good morning."

"Can I come in for a few minutes?" Jensen's hands were relaxed at his sides and he didn't look as animated as he had the night before. But Jeff. _Jesus_. He hadn't even told Jensen. "Yeah, come in."

When Jensen strode into the house, Jared swayed slightly as he was enveloped in the scent of clean hair, cologne and leather from the old jacket the other man was wearing. It was like some kind of spell that pulled Jared's attention along behind it.

"Jeff." Jensen's voice was full of emotion. "It's good to see you again."

Jared closed the door and took a deep breath before heading back to the dining room table.

"Jensen." Jeff's voice was thick, wavering a little. He stayed seated, hands pressed flat to the table in front of him. Jensen had been like a little brother to him; Jared could see the pain on his lover's face.

When Jared reached Jensen's side he struggled to swallow and rubbed at his throat unconsciously.

"Jensen," Jared began weakly. "I didn't get a chance to tell you last night; Jeff and I are-"

"I know," Jensen said quickly. There was a slight smile on his face. "Most of the town is talkin' about the wedding."

It felt to Jared like his heart might pound right through his ribs; he almost wished that it would.

"Please. Sit down, Jensen." Jared took the chair closest to Jeff's side.

"I won't take up much of your time. I just wanted to drop off some papers, explain what was happening," Jensen said.

It sounded a little ominous to Jared. Jeff's cool fingers found his under the table and Jared wove them together. He could use all the strength he could get.

Jensen sat quickly and pulled out some folded papers from inside his jacket. He set them on the table and smoothed them flat.

"Jensen?" Jared's muscles felt a little weak; the pounding of his heart had reduced to little more than a flutter.

The pink tip of Jensen's tongue appeared just enough to wet his bottom lip. Jared closed his eyes and tried to bury the sight of it somewhere so deep in his might that it would be irretrievable.

"What's up, Jensen?" Jeff squeezed Jared's hand a little.

"This is a document that I had my lawyer draft up."

The air felt a little too thick for Jared's lungs rather suddenly. He wasn't sure what he'd been expecting, legal papers could only meant they were going to have a discussion about Talbot. "Jensen. I'm not sure if this is the time or the place for-"

"This is the _only_ time. I'll be leaving this evening."

 _Leaving_. Seeing Jensen was alive after ten years of mourning him had been almost unbearable. The strange thing was that the knowledge that he would be leaving again felt more painful than Jared had thought possible. "Leaving?"

"I know you don't want me around. Like you said, Jared, you've moved on. I need to do that as well. For some reason, I had this crazy hope that I could come back after all this time and things would be the same. But they're not. I see that now."

It should have rung true for Jared; it really should have. The problem was that it didn't. All Jared could manage was a weak shrug.

Jensen picked up the papers and unfolded them. "You can take some time to read all this but I can explain it to you." He pointed to some information on the cover sheet. "My legal representation."

Jeff finally spoke up. "Is this really necessary, Jensen? We were all friends once."

Jared squeezed Jeff's hand hard. The last thing he needed was for the two of them to get into a huge fight.

For too long Jensen and Jeff stared at each other. The tension was making Jared's flesh crawl. Then. All the fight seemed to drain from Jensen's body; his shoulders sagged and he smoothed the papers down again.

"No disrespect intended, Jeff, but this is between Jared and I."

Even though Jeff stiffened at Jared's side, he remained quiet.

"Get it over with," Jared said quietly. His entire life was going to be turned upside down in the course of twenty-four hours.

There was a tearful gleam in Jensen's eyes and he looked down for a few uncomfortable moments before he could continue.

"As I was saying, that's the contact information for my lawyer." He flipped to the second page and patted down his jacket until he found and pulled out a pen.

The scratching of pen against paper grated on Jared's nerves. He never thought he'd have to live anywhere but Talbot. He couldn't fight off the feeling of panic that was creeping towards him.

Jensen's voice was monotone and a little hardened. Jared pulled his hand from Jeff's and leaned on the table as he watched Jensen flip the pages again.

"Last signature," He muttered as his pen moved over the bottom of the last page. When he looked up, his eyes were tired, his skin too pale. "It's yours."

Looking up quickly, Jared frowned then glanced at Jeff briefly. "Jensen? What's mine?"

"This document gives you sole ownership of Talbot House and all the land, structures, improvements and equipment. There's a new operating account with enough funds to keep the place ship shape for a few years."

"Wh-what?" Jared's voice was thin and reedy and his hands were going a little numb.

It looked like Jensen was afraid to stop speak again, and he was doing everything to avoid looking at the two men across the table from him. "My lawyer knows all about it if you have questions after I'm gone. You can sign your part now, Jared. Or wait."

The papers slid across the table toward Jeff and then Jensen held out the pen. "Would you witness my signature, Jeff?"

No one moved. Mouth open, Jared just stared at Jensen. "Wait," he murmured when he was finally able to get out some kind of sound. "What?"

Jeff took the pen and flipped through the pages in front of him.

"Jensen?" Jared's brain felt like it was failing. He didn't know what he would do if he left Talbot but he couldn't even _imagine_ keeping Jensen from his home.

When Jensen turned to speak he ended up just blinking and shaking his head.

Jared knew that look. He'd seen it on Jensen's face the day he'd lost his parents. That kind of emotion was hard for Jensen; he'd always said it felt like it would smash him apart.

"J-Jared? Is Murphy…" Jensen seemed unable to finished the question

Eyes widening, Jared gave in to instinct and reached across the table to grab Jensen's hand. "He's fine, Jensen. Still cranky with me. But. But he lets me ride him sometimes if I take Breeze. And I kept your tack in good shape."

A look of relief settled onto Jensen's face. "You don't have to let me, but. Can I take him? He means-" Jensen's voice broke and he didn't bother trying to continue.

There wasn't much left in Jared's heart to hold it together. All he could do for a few seconds was nod. There was no way he could _ever_ keep Jensen and Murphy apart. "Jensen? Isn't there? Can't we…"

"It's all good, Jared," Jensen said gruffly. He squeezed Jared's hand tightly then pulled free. "I hoped you would let me take him. Got a truck and trailer waitin' at 'ol Singer's. Can't believe that guy is still alive."

The tremble in Jared's body had flared into full on shaking. He turned to look at Jeff, vision blurry with tears. It was like being completely frozen; there was nowhere he could go that wouldn't just tear him apart.

Jeff cleared his throat. "I - I'll witness this - but is this the way this has to go? I'm not. I mean, I've got no ideas. This just seems-"

"Wrong," Jared managed to blurt out.

Jensen sighed; it was shaky and he rubbed both hands vigorously over his face. "Nah. Things turned out this way for a reason, right? You guys have a life together."

Shale, for some strange reason, chose that moment to rouse himself. He headed straight over to Jared and nosed at his hand.

"What about you, Jensen?" Jared could hardly see Jensen.

"I'm no good, Jared." Jensen smiled sadly. "Anyone who's around me long enough gets hurt… or worse."

"That's bullshit," Jeff said.

It was what Jared wanted to say but he wasn't sure he would be able to get anything coherent out. It had never been that way for him. Jensen had been his whole life. There were tears burning his eyes and bile tearing at the back of his throat and he felt trapped and useless.

"I'm sorry, Jared," Jensen said softly. "About last night. I just-" He shrugged weakly and shook his head.

When those green eyes settled on him, it felt as though there was no one else in the world besides the two of them. Jensen had always made Jared feel that way. It was like being loved by the sun; he would feel warm and safe until he was just nothing but ash.

It was difficult for Jared to even keep himself together. He wasn't sure what Jensen was sorry for, appearing out of nowhere, maybe? Scaring him half to death? The kiss? Just thinking about that kiss brought a dizzying flush of heat back to Jared's body. He was certain he could still _taste_ Jensen, _feel_ how perfect those familiar lips were.

"It's okay," Jared whispered although it was anything _but_ okay. He just didn't know how to stop Jensen, nor was he even sure that he should. They were so tangled up together. So many twists and turns had assured the knot was so tight that it might just strangle them.

"Jensen," Jared said slowly. "I don't know what to say...What to do." It was the absolute truth.

"Don't," Jensen answered. "It is what it is. I just made some mistakes, that's all." Jensen slipped the pen back into his pocket and smoothed down the front of his jacket before standing. He stood at the table for a few moments and then smiled.

"Don't go yet; we could have a drink or something." Jared looked at Jeff and pleaded silently with his eyes.

"Yeah," Jeff added hesitantly. "We could … get you something to eat or … something."

As crazy as everything had been since Jared had first seen Jensen, it seemed far too early for it to all be finished. It felt unfair for Jared to lose him and unfair for him to want Jensen to stay.

Trapped was what Jared was and, he supposed, it was all his fault. "Just stay a while," Jared said softly. He stood, unsure of what to do.

"I think it's best if I go. If it's alright with you, I'll go saddle up Murph and ride him back into town. It's gonna be a long drive." Turning slowly, Jensen headed towards the door.

Jeff caught Jared's hand in his and rubbed his thumb slowly over Jared's wrist.

"I could help you saddle him up," Jared said. He pulled his hand free and trailed along behind Jensen.

"Figure I know where everything is. Should probably buy a new saddle once I settle somewhere." Jensen hadn't stopped moving. He grabbed the door handle and opened the door.

It was all happening far too quickly and Jared felt like he was trying frantically to hang on to something he had no business wanting.

Jared reached out and grabbed his jacket off the coat hook by the door. "I'll walk you over to the barn."

He almost ran into Jensen's back because he hadn't noticed that the man had finally come to a stop. Jared froze there, one arm already sliding into his jacket, his breath moving the fine hairs just behind Jensen's ear.

Eyes still on the evening sky ahead of him, Jensen sighed. "Jared. Please, don't make this harder than it already is."

The words sank into Jared's brain like little darts. Jensen just wanted to _go_ and all Jared could do was let him. He had a new life with a wonderful man. And, how could he possibly still love a man who had left him and stayed away for with ten years? And, why the hell was he so confused?

Without thinking, Jared reached forward so his fingers brushed the back of Jensen's hand. The skin was smooth and soft and brought memories to the surface in Jared's mind that were better left unearthed.

After the briefest pass of his thumb over Jared's wrist, Jensen was out the door and jogging towards the barn.

"Jared?" Jeff called out from where he was still seated at the table.

Jared watched until Jensen disappeared into the side door of the barn then he closed the door and walked back over to the table. As he walked he shrugged out of his jacket again and left it draped over the back of the sofa.

"Jared? You okay?" Jeff pushed the papers aside and leaned on the table.

"No," Jared said thickly. "He was dead and then I was supposed to understand why he'd hidden from me for ten years, and now." Jared had to suck in a deep breath. He panted softly for a while then leaned on the back of the chair Jensen had been sitting on. "Now, I have to just pretend that he was never here...that he's not even _out_ there somewhere."

"You don't have to _pretend_ anything," Jeff said softly.

There was so much tension in Jared's body, he could hardly swallow. It felt like a pit had opened up in the center of his chest and it was just swallowing everything he had left inside of him. Nothing had ever made him feel so lost before.

"Sit down, Jared. We should talk." Jeff's voice had a gentleness to it that made Jared's bottom lip quiver before he bit down on it.

Jared didn't want to sit down. The only thing he felt like doing was running but he had no idea where he would even go. _Away_ , was all he could focus on. He wanted to be away from everything that reminded him of Jensen and all the things he had struggled for ten years to move past.

"Jared." Jeff seemed a little more stern and Jared shoved a chair back so he could sit down.

"I can't -I can't do this right now, Jeff." There were so many thoughts and feeling whipping around in Jared's mind it was like being drunk. He couldn't make sense of all the things that had happened; didn't understand why he deserved to be on the receiving end of all the things that had happened.

"We need to talk, Jared," Jeff insisted. "I can't just. I can't watch you fall apart like this and act like it isn't even happening." His eyes were fever bright; his gaze intense.

Blinking a few times, Jared finally nodded. Jeff had been with him through some of the worst times of his life and he'd never let Jared down. It wasn't the time to shut the man out, no matter how confusing everything seemed.

The smile on Jeff's face warmed a little as he looked across the table at Jared. "Things got crazy really fast, didn't they?"

That was the understatement of Jared's life as far as he was concerned.

Shale padded out from under the table and stopped by Jared's feet to stare at the front door. Without even really being aware of it, Jared slowed his breathing and _listened_ as he followed Shale's gaze. Maybe Shale could hear Jensen in the barn; Jensen couldn't possibly have saddled up Murph in such a short period of time.

"Jared?" Jeff waited until Jared looked at him before continuing. "I think things have gotten derailed here. We can't just go on like nothing happened."

Confused, Jared frowned and rubbed his hands on his jeans. "What?"

"This," Jeff said firmly. "Us. How can we just keep going the way we were? It was working , sure. But things were a hell of a lot different twenty-four hours ago."

Even though Jeff had a point, Jared couldn't face what was happening. It felt like he was already completely overloaded. One more thing to deal with and he would just lose his shit. "Jeff, can we do this later? Tomorrow or something?"

For a few moments it looked like Jeff might just give in then his expression hardened. "No, Jared. It's got to be now."

Standing, Jared shook his head. He swayed slightly and reach out to grab the back of the chair again. "Jeff. I've got nothing left here. Please, Jeff. I can't."

Tears were welling in Jared's eyes again and he turned away so he wouldn't have to look at Jeff.

"Here's the thing, Jared." Even Jeff's voice was beginning to sound strained, full of emotion. "I love you. I've loved you for a really long time. But you know, there's nothing great about being the runner up."

That hurt. Somehow, Jeff's words managed to claw through all the crap in Jared's mind. "It was _never_ like that," Jared growled. "Never."

"No, Jared. Not before," Jeff said shakily.

"Before what?" yelled Jared.

Shale barked and ran to the front door where he started scratching non-stop at the wood.

"Before you knew Jensen was out there," Jeff said softly.

"Shale! Stop!" Jared yelled. He turned back towards Jeff, dazed and tried to understand what he was saying. "Jeff, he's gone. It's over."

"And you're never going to think about him again?" Jeff asked.

"You can't ask that of me. I wouldn't _ever_ ask you to put something like that aside as though it never happened."

"That's not what I'm asking you, Jared."

Restless and pacing, Shale suddenly froze at the door and then sniffed at the bottom. The sound distracted Jared and he couldn't help looking over. The sound of the huge barn door sliding closed seemed loud through the closed door. His heart sank. Jensen would be climbing into his saddle; he would be gone soon.

"Jared, there's really not enough time for all of this." Jeff pushed his chair back and stood so he could walk over to Jared.

The strain of everything was beginning to show on Jeff's face. But he clearly had a point he felt he needed to get across to Jared.

"What? Jeff! Jesus. I don't know what you want from me. I could have left _with_ him and I didn't. Just because I made that decision doesn't mean that it wasn't the hardest fucking thing I've ever done.

Tomorrow will be better. I promise. The day after that? A little better but right now, what I am is wrecked by this."

The room seemed far too quiet once Jared ended his tirade.

At first, Jeff looked a little shocked but his expression changed quickly to one that looked a lot more frustrated than anything else.

"This isn't the only way, Jared," Jeff said through clenched teeth.

Frowning, Jared shook his head. He'd never experienced Jeff to be anything remotely close to cruel but he was having trouble understanding why Jeff wouldn't let the whole thing go. "Jeff. Stop. There's _no_ other way this could have gone, and you _know_ it."

Jared knew that Jeff was strong, but when he grabbed Jared's arms, the grip was almost painful. "Jared. There is another way. You don't belong here - well, not here with me."

The statement took the strength out of Jared's legs and he fell into Jeff's body. If Jeff, after everything that had happened, was going to leave Jared that would be the final straw.

Jared's heart was pounding so fast he felt a little dizzy. "Please, Jeff. Don't do this. How can it be too much to ask if I just want a little time to get over this."

"You can be _so_ stupid," Jeff murmured fondly. If it weren't for the fact that there was a slight smile on Jeff's face, Jared would have been tempted to punch him.

"What?"

"I don't wanna be the second choice," Jeff said. "The other choice is that you go to him before he leaves town. Get Breeze and go after him."

It took a while for Jeff's suggestion to make sense to Jared. "Breeze? What?"

Jeff looked sad, tired and he shook Jared slightly before letting go. "Some people are just meant to be together, Jared. I know you believe that. You and Jensen … you were like a damn couple the first day you met. Why do you think that I didn't pursue things with you back then? I knew what I was up against. You and Jensen."

It was making sense to Jared and it wasn't. Part of him felt as though he'd made the right decision. Part of him was still trying to accept that anything that had happened in the last twenty-four hours was even real.

Jeff grabbed his jacket off the back of the chair and slipped it on. "Here's what I'm gonna do, Jared. I'm leaving. Gonna go back to town, feel _really_ fucking sorry for myself for a while. You? You've got a decision to make."

The keys in Jeff's pocket jangled as he shrugged and settled the jacket on his shoulders.

"I want to be with you. I wouldn't have said yes to marrying you if I didn't. It's a forever commitment, not a whim that I can back out of."

The smile of Jeff's face warmed and his eyes looked a little glassy. "I know that. But that was before." Jeff leaned in and pressed a lingering kiss to Jared's cheek.

"You need to make this decision without me in the picture so I'm taking myself out." He stepped back and pulled out his keys. "You've got a big decision to make, Jared. You gotta decide if you want to try and forgive Jensen for what happened and maybe get back …" Jeff shrugged. "If not - then maybe, sometime, you and I can talk. But, not now. You're on your own for this one."

It was almost too much to take. _Almost_. It hardly seemed possible but Jared knew Jeff was right. He and Jeff couldn't go forwards with Jensen lingering out there _somewhere_. Jared had to know if he should go to Jensen _now_ or if he would spend the rest of his life wondering if he would ever see Jensen again.

The door clicked shut and Jared realized he hadn't even been aware of Jeff leaving.


	3. Chapter 3

Shale was pawing at Jared's boot and growling like he wanted to go out. And it was in that very moment that all the pieces seemed to slot into place in Jared's mind.

When he'd thought of staying there, living at Talbot he would always wonder where Jensen was. What would he be doing? Who would he love? Would he ever think of Jared? He hadn't, once, thought of that future as something he would live without regret while growing old with Jeff.

"We gotta go, Shale." The dog spun instantly and headed straight to the front door. Grabbing his jacket, Jared ran to the front door and pulled it open.

Shale bolted out into the front yard then turned to bark when Jared didn't follow soon enough. "Barn!!"

The word sent Shale off like a rocket. Jared was almost half way to the barn when Shale skidded to a halt at the barn door. Tail wagging, he barked in Jared's direction.

In a handful of moments, Jared was tugging the door open and fumbling in the shadows for Breeze's saddle and bridle.

"Breeze," Jared said as he hauled her saddle up into his arms. "We gotta go for a ride, girl."

Less than five minutes later, Jared rode Breeze through the open barn doors and straight down the dirt road. Head down, tail out-stretched, Shale ran full tilt alongside Breeze. If Jared didn't know better he'd think that Shale knew exactly where they were going and how important it was.

There was no sign of Jensen and Murphy at the end of their property. As they arrived at the beginning of the driveway. Breeze tossed her mane and whinnied in excitement as Jared eased her to a stop.

Shale yapped and crouched down like he was herding. Sweeping his hair back off his face, Jared tried to remember what Jensen had said. The trailer. He'd bought a trailer for Murphy so he'd be heading down the side road, Jared thought. It would be faster to ride along the main road but Jared didn't think Jensen would take Murph that way. He'd always been too reactive around noise for Jensen to control him.

"God, Shale. Which way? Back road?"

Once more, as though he understood, Shale barked. He turned in a tight circle then ran towards the back road.

That was good enough for Jared. He patted Breeze's neck and headed her down the road.

After riding for, what felt like, an eternity there was nothing on the horizon and Jared was beginning to feel the cool fingers of doubt. Maybe he didn't even know Jensen anymore - not as well as he thought.

They rode fast enough that the wind whipped at Jared's hair. He glanced down, sometimes, and always found Shale running as fast as he could. It always brought a smile to Jared's face.

There was still no sign of Jensen on the horizon; but hell, he could be going in the wrong direction.

When they were more than halfway to town Jared pulled up on the reins and slowed Breeze to a walk. 

_Nothing_.

They'd stopped near Peterson Creek. It was the place they always stopped on hot summer days to let the horses drink.

But, it was cold and windy and there was still no sign of Jensen. All the pain that Jared had felt earlier was beginning to return slowly. He'd just left everything too late. If he had just acted when Jeff had first said something he might have caught Jensen. 

A tear slid from the corner of Jared's eye and ran down his cheek. He could feel how cool it was in the wind. "God damn it, Shale."

The dog paced around them, nose high in the air. Shale may not know who they were looking for but he knew they were on a search.

A _pointless_ search.

The weight of the day was starting to catch up with Jared. He swung down out of the saddle and leaned against Breeze's neck. She snorted and kicked at the road, anxious to move in the cool air.

There was a huge part of Jared that wanted to just keep riding, get away from all the decisions and the responsibilities.

Shale bounced at Jared's feet and then settled his front paws on the outside of Jared's thigh. One arm around Breeze's neck, one hand scratching the top of Shale's had, Jared just closed his eyes and listened to the wind.

"You lookin' for us?"

_Jensen_

Jared smiled into Breeze's silky smooth coat then turned his head slowly. He was afraid that Jensen might be gone when he opened his eyes.

He finally blinked his eyes open and looked over his shoulder to see Jensen standing about ten feet away with Murphy's reins in his hand.

Relief slammed into Jared so hard that he lost his breath for a while. He just held on to the strength of Breeze's neck while Shale leaned into his legs protectively.

"Y'okay, Jared?"

Even though Jensen couldn't see his face, Jared nodded. It was just taking his brain a while to catch up with his heart.

"Ya look a little shaky." Jensen's voice was a little rough. He was probably just as tired as Jared, maybe more so.

"I'm a _lot_ shaky." Jared turned slowly and leaned against Breeze. She stood there so patiently.

Murphy, on the other hand, was pawing at the ground impatiently. When he tossed his head and tried to get the bit between his teeth, Jensen dragged his finger down the white stripe on Murphy's nose. "Stop bein' bitchy."

Murphy shook his head and rubbed his velvety nose against Jensen's cheek.

"He remembered me. I'm glad," Jensen said.

"Of course he did," Jared said. "You should have seen him the night you…" Jared finished with a shrug.

"He was _so_ freaked by the storm."

"Still gets like that. If it weren't for him I would never have gotten over my own fear of them," Jared said. His fingers combed through Breeze's rough mane.

"You weren't afraid of storms before." Jensen frowned.

"Well, me and Murph had something in common afterwe lost you." Jared shrugged. "I would hear him from the house, grab a water and some carrots and go sit with him. We had a lot of good conversations out there. House was too big anyway."

Smiling a bit, Jensen nodded and patted Murphy's neck. "Jared?"

"Yeah?" Breeze wandered forward a little to reach some grass and Jared let her reins fall to the ground.

"What are you doing here?"

Very good question. If Jared could figure that out it would feel as good as winning the damn lottery. "Honestly?"

Amused, Jensen tilted his head. "Probably a good choice for us."

"I think. I _know_ that I was gonna wonder where you were going. I'd be thinking about you all the time, trying to figure out how things were going for you. If you were alright." It wasn't coming out quite the way Jared intended.

Jensen's brow was furrowed. He dropped Murphy's reins and pushed him toward Breeze. The horses had spent a most of _their_ lives together too and would stay close.

Without the huge presence of Breeze behind him, Jared felt oddly vulnerable. He crouched down and wrapped his arms around Shale.

"Jared? I'm not sure I get it. Are you wanting me to call and check in sometimes? Make a facebook or whatever?"

"What?" Jared rubbed at his temple. "No. I. No. I mean …" Why was it all so difficult? It seemed like something so important should take so much thinking.

"Good. 'Cause, I suck at computer stuff. I really do. It's all -"

"Come back home," Jared said quietly.

The look on Jensen's face changed instantly. His eyes widened and he took a small step forward. "What did you say?"

The speed of Jared's heart made it difficult for him to hear anything other than the woosh of blood in his ears. "I asked you to come back home."

The wind rustled the tall, dry grass behind Jensen and Shale yipped quietly as Jared stood. Jensen said nothing, Just stared at Jared.

"If you can't-" Jared said. "I get it. But - I - Jeff and I talked. He's gone. He left me I think; I guess. He did. Not because he's an asshole or anything. He said I had to decide if I really was _over_ you. Everything felt different as soon as you were alive. It's different to move on when someone's gone. But knowing you're out here. Please… say something."

Of all things, Jensen laughed. "You didn't give me much of a chance."

"Sorry," Jared murmured.

They were quiet again and Jared couldn't stand the way his hands were shaking so he stuffed them in the pockets of his jeans.

"You and Jeff are engaged," Jensen said finally.

"Apparently, not anymore," Jared muttered. There really should be a limit on how many shocks one person could be forced to deal with in one twenty-four hour period.

"But you _were_ engaged. That's a big commitment." Jensen looked hesitant and Jared didn't really blame him.

"It is. It was. It - it's all different now. I can't be happy here knowing…"

"Knowing what?"

Shale turned and sniffed at Jensen's leg then looked back up at Jared.

"It's okay, Shale. We trust Jensen."

"But do you?" Jensen asked quickly.

Another good question. A little uneasy, Jared shifted his boots in the reddish dirt at their feet."Yeah. Well, are you asking me if I'm gonna think you're not coming back every time you leave? 'Cause I don't know how long that will last."

"Doesn't sound like you _know_ much about me and how you feel," Jensen said. He took a deep breath as he ran both hands back and forth over his head.

"But I do," Jared answered quickly. "I - I"m sure that when you run your hands over your hair like that you're upset. And I know that what you did was hard. I know that not touching you the other night was the most difficult thing I've ever done. Murphy's your best friend even though you always lied and said it was me. And Jeff. I know he'll always be like a brother to you, no matter what."

Taking a chance, Jared took a couple of steps closer to Jensen. He wouldn't have thought it was possible that Jensen could look any better than he always had. But Jared liked the older Jensen; the crow's feet at the corners of his eyes, the way his skin wasn't quite so smooth. It suited him.

"But what do you know about us? How do you feel about me?" Jensen paused and reached out slowly for Jared's hand. "I hurt you. A lot."

Jared nodded and then slid his hand into Jensen's. "You did but you hurt yourself too. That's something I know. Maybe it was stupid but you were trying to fix things."

Nodding, Jensen tugged Jared a little closer. "And, how do you feel about me? Us?"

Knowing how hard it must be to ask that question, Jared smiled a little. "I feel different than I used to."

As Jared watched he could see the hope fading from Jensen's eyes and it made him ache. "But, Jensen. I think it's better. I lived when I thought I wouldn't. But now? You're asking me what I feel, right this minute?"

Jensen nodded, fingers tightening on Jared's hand.

Finally, an answer seemed easy to Jared. "I love you and I want you to come home."

Jensen blinked slowly, a slight smile on his face. "There's a lot to think about."

Nodding, Jared stepped close enough to press up against Jensen's side. His hand slipped under Jensen's leather and settled on the small of his back quite naturally. He could feel that Jensen was trembling.

"It's not gonna be easy," Jensen said.

"Probably not. But," Jared tilted his head slightly. "It wasn't always easy before." It was a bit of an exaggeration but it felt like there were enough hurdles in their way.

Looking a little indignant Jensen peered up into Jared's eyes.

"You're making that up," Jensen said firmly. But, there was a hint of a smile on his face.

"Maybe," Jared said. It was a little heady, being so close to Jensen. Unreal might more accurately describe the feeling. After all, Jared had _never_ dreamed of seeing his once-lover again.

"Jeff. _God_ , Jared. I don't know…" The smile faded quickly from Jensen's face.

"I'm not gonna lie. That's going to be hard. But, it's not about you. That will be for me to work through."

Jensen was quiet, his fingers still tightly holding Jared's hand.

"Come home, Jensen. Please." Jared leaned in to brush his lips along Jensen's cheek. He savoured the scent that flooded his senses. _Jensen_. 

Shale jumped up, front paws landing squarely on Jensen's belly.

"Jesu-" Jensen doubled over as his breath shot out. Shale took advantage of the situation and get in a few sloppy licks at Jensen's face before he got away.

"Shale!" Jared laughed as he stepped back out of the way.

Jensen managed to wrestle Shale back down and took a knee so he could scratch both sides of Shale's neck "Hey, Shale. Does this mean you're casting your vote?"

Head tilted to one side, then the other, Shale barked quietly and jumped up to try and reach Jensen's face again.

"I think he likes you," Jared said. He laughed again and slipped his fingers under Shale's collar to pull him back. "It's good. He sleeps on the bed."

Jensen looked up at Jared quickly with wide eyes. " _On_ the bed?"

There had been a rule when Jensen was at Talbot about Sasha sleeping in her own bed. There _was_ a dog bed in the bedroom, Shale just didn't use it often.

"I was lonely?" It was a weak excuse but Jared was quite sure he could get away with it.

"We'll add that to the list of things we need to talk about." Jensen stood and shook his head. But, he was smiling again and Jared loved the way it made him feel.

"We should get the horses home. You'll want to rub Murph down." Glancing over at the horses, Jared couldn't help grinning.

It was time for Jensen's answer and Jared was feeling more certain about that answer than he'd felt about anything for days.

"Okay," Jensen said. "Let's go home."

**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

 

They rode home at an easy pace. As much as Jared wanted Jensen back at Talbot, he couldn't help but be a little nervous about it.

Ten years was a long time to spend without someone. It was enough time to completely change everything. Now, Jared had to figure out what parts of it he wanted to change back.

By the time the horses were settled in the barn, night had fallen. Even Shale was exhausted. He'd abandoned the barn in favor of napping on the porch swing long before Jared and Jensen headed over to the house.

It was past ten by the time the men trudged over and woke up Shale. Jared's nerves were on edge but he was feeling good about things.

Once the door closed behind them, the house seemed very quiet.

Jensen looked around nervously then sat down on a small bench by the door to pull his boots off. He pushed them under the bench and rubbed his hands on his jeans.

"Listen-"  
"About the-"

Jared laughed as he took his jacket off and hung it up. "You first."

The only other time Jared had seen Jensen look so nervous was the day they went to the estate lawyer to hear his parents' wills. 

"I've been thinking," Jensen began. He looked down at his hands where they were still rubbing slowly along his thighs. "I can sleep in one of the guest rooms. There's a lot going on, lots to work out."

Jared watched as Shale padded past them and flopped down on the rug with a huff.

There was nothing that Jared wanted to do _less_ than spend the rest of the evening discussing room arrangements.

"Jensen? I'm tired. And, I'm pretty damn traumatized by everything that's gone on in the past day or so. If you feel like that's what you need to do - that's fine. But, it's not what you _have,_ to do." He leaned against the wall so that he could toe his boots off.

It took a few moments for Jensen to respond. "Jared? I don't think my brain is even working. What are you saying?"

For once it seemed to be Jared who had a handle on things.

"I mean," Jared answered. "That I'm going to bed in _our_ room. I want you to come with me. If you don't want to, that's perfectly okay. I will get Shale to sleep outside your door and he will bite you if you try to leave." Jared smiled.

He waited a few seconds then walked over to where Jensen was still sitting, bent down and kissed his cheek. "I'm going up … just. Please don't leave without letting me know, okay?"

Jensen brushed Jared's hair back out of his eyes. "I'm not gonna leave."

There would be plenty of time for them to get reacquainted with each other. Jared wasn't going to push. It didn't seem like that would be good for either of them.

Turning away, Jared yawned and headed upstairs. He'd walked up those stairs so many times since he'd lost Jensen but it felt so _very_ different knowing that Jensen was in the house. It changed the feel of everything.

He heard Shale sigh and then his claws were clicking on the stairs as he caught up to Jared. "Bed time, Shale."

Despite the fact that he was exhausted, Jared knew he would be awake for a while. There was so much spinning around in his head.

Jared stood in the doorway to the bedroom for a while. It felt a little like he'd woken up a thousand years ago. 

It only took Jared a few minutes to get undressed. He settled Shale on the bottom of the bed and then flicked the overhead light off. After a moment's hesitation, he left the door open.

He fell face first onto the _amazingly_ soft king size bed. He shifted around until he was comfortable. "God."

Jared groaned as he rolled over onto his back. He was too tired to even crawl under the quilt.

The room was quiet and cool and Jared let out a relieved sigh.

A quiet tap at the bedroom door made Jared smile. "Don't knock; you'll make Shale -"

Shale growled from the bed and let out a quiet bark. He might like Jensen but he wasn't big on anyone getting too far into _his_ territory. He hopped down off the bed and sat there staring at the door.

"Sorry," Jensen said softly.

Shale huffed and quieted when he realized who it was. He took a quick look at Jared and padded over to the dog bed by the window.

Apparently, Shale liked Jensen more than Jared had realized. "Come to bed, Jensen."

The moon was full and light was streaming in through the windows. Jared had taken to leaving the curtains open at night shortly after he'd lost Jensen. For some reason it made him feel safer.

He heard the door click shut then the sound of Jensen moving across the room. When he looked up, Jensen was standing at the bottom of the bed, eyes moving over Jared's body. "You. You've filled out."

Laughing, Jared tucked his hands behind his head. "It's hard work running this place alone. Lots of manual labor."

"It looks good on you," Jensen nearly whispered.

"Jensen?"

"Yeah?"

"Isn't ten years enough of a break? Come to bed." The moment Jensen had entered the bedroom Jared's body had begun to thrum with anticipation.

As Jared stared, Jensen pulled his shirt off over his head. His fingers shook as he unbuckled his belt and he smiled almost shyly.

Jared sat up, there wasn't a moment he wanted to miss. Then as soon as Jensen was free of all his clothes, Jared reached out for his hand.

He tugged Jensen forward until he had no choice but to climb onto the bed. Exhaustion was making Jared bold, maybe even a little reckless. He'd just waited _so_ long for Jensen without even knowing that was what he was doing.

The two men lay on their sides facing each other and Jared couldn't resist curling his palm over Jensen's hip.

Jensen's lashes fluttered before closing, his breath sped up and even in the cool moon light Jared could see a flush moving up Jensen's body.

A single touch and Jared felt like all the years of their separation began to slip away.

"I missed you," Jared said easily.

"God, Jared," Jensen murmured. He opened his eyes slowly. "You have no idea how many times I wanted to come to you over the past ten years."

Jared was beginning to understand a little. He shifted closer, the heat of Jensen's bare flesh too much of an invitation to be resisted.

The bare flesh was smooth and hot under Jared's palm. "I won't break if you touch me."

Jensen chuckled darkly. "I'm half afraid that you'll disappear as soon as I reach for you. A lot of times over the years you've just been a dream."

That was an easy problem to resolve as far as Jared could see. He angled his body forward so he was pressed up against Jensen. Jensen's lips were parted slightly when Jared kissed him.

Heat flashed through Jared's body and he moaned. Jensen's full lips tasted sweet and familiar and a hundred times better than they ever had before.

For a while, the kiss was nothing but tender and sweet. Jensen's fingers finally found their way to Jared's slender waist and he held on tightly. 

And things changed. Jensen moaned low, more of a rumble in his chest then he surged forward. He pinned Jared to the mattress and claimed his mouth in a painfully hard kiss. The honeyed urgency of it took Jared's breath right out of his lungs.

Jared's cock was throbbing in an agonizing rhythm that matched his erratic heartbeat.

The kiss became even more urgent; it was wet and a little clumsy. Neither man cared much for finesse after all the time they'd been apart.

Each time Jared managed to pull back to suck in a desperate breath of air, Jensen's mouth was back - demanding more, _owning_ every inch of Jared's mouth.

Wrapping a long leg over Jensen's, Jared forced their bodies as close as possible. The heat of Jensen's full, thick cock felt like it could scald the sensitive skin below Jared's hip.

Their bodies moved together easily, hands clutching at each other's hair, and flesh as though terrified to let go for the slightest moment.

Jared could feel sweat bead on his forehead as he wrapped his arms around Jensen's neck. He couldn't get close enough to the changed landscape of his lover's body.

His broad palms slid down to Jensen's shoulder blades then they moved under his palms as Jensen held himself up slightly.

It was push and pull as they grew used to each other again. The wet heat of Jensen's mouth moved along Jared's jaw roughly. His teeth sank into the sensitive flesh at the base of Jared's throat.

Jared arched up off the bed, pleasure and _want_ wrestling for control of his body. His hands relearned the curves and lines of Jensen's back, hips and ass.

It was moving _too_ quickly but there was no way Jared could bring himself to care. There was no way he was going to pause to slow things down. 

Jensen held his body up off Jared's for a few long moments. The heat of all that flesh so close teased Jared and made him want Jensen all the more and he gasped. 

There were so many problems to overcome, so many words so far unsaid but simply touching Jensen, let Jared believe they had made it back to each other for a reason.

Reaching up, Jared slid his hands over Jensen's hips. Their mouths moved ceaselessly, slippery tongues danced together, twisting like their bodies.

Arching up again and again, Jared tried to get _more_ , _closer_ , _Jensen_. His thoughts were redirected to the feel of each inch of Jensen's body under his hands. There was the ridged but soft skin of Jensen's cock so heavy in Jared's hand. Each fleshy cheek of Jensen's ass fit the curve of Jared's palm perfectly.

And Jensen's journey down Jared's body continued. Lips moved along Jared's throat as blunt teeth dug into his flesh. Sometimes, deep sounds emerged from Jared's kiss swollen lips as he lay there, a canvas for the heat painted by Jensen's tongue. The pleasure that was driving his hips up off the mattress constantly also dragged deep moans from him.

Jensen had a tight grip on Jared's hair when he slid his cock _deep_ inside Jared.

The cry that passed Jared's lips was half pain as his ass clenched _tight_ around his lover's girth. It was just the crazy intensity of their bodies joining together after so very many years, the only pain was a reminder that the man Jared held on to was real. 

Jensen's hips rutted forwards as he fucked into Jared. It wasn't slow or tender, it was fast and full of strength. It told Jared he was wanted; he'd always been wanted.

Pain became a dull, almost transparent ache and the pleasure of sensation made Jared's arousal pulse with his heart beat.

Jared wasn't thinking. He lost himself in the rhythm of Jensen's thrusts, the thick heat of Jensen's cock as it pressed into his body time and again.

Beautiful sounds came to Jared's ears. Jensen's breath caught sometimes, a rough moan would feel like stubble dragged across Jared's skin. He loved the way Jensen said his name like it was more than just a name.

Jared wrapped his long legs around Jensen's body. A hand gripped the back of Jensen's neck so Jared could tug him down as he begged for that full, plush mouth wordlessly.

The ache and pressure that had settled in Jared's balls made it feel as though he might pass out or just let himself be swept away by wave after lustful wave of want.

The panting of hot breaths against Jared's ear sent swirls of heat skimming through his body. It left him weak and clumsy. His hands were unsettled, restless, gripping Jensen's hair one moment, his shoulder the next.

They couldn't seem to get close enough to each other even when there was barely the space for air between them.

Sweat slicked the skin of Jensen's back as he fucked his cock in and out of Jared's ass over and over. It was cool moisture over burning skin. 

Jared couldn't get enough air. He'd lunge up to try and reach Jensen's mouth. He could taste the salty-sweet sweat on Jensen's lips. He'd never forget the taste and then more joy would slide through his body because he wouldn't need to remember.

Jared's attention was drawn back to the intoxicating ache and tease of Jensen's girth. When his hips slowed, breath harsh against Jared's collar bone, for a span of a few moments it was the most tenderness Jared had ever felt.

As Jensen came he let out a low cry of pleasure. His wide-open mouth dragged along Jared's shoulder as he gasped for air.

Jared could _feel_ the heated pulsing of Jensen's cock. It was buried deep inside Jared's body. It felt perfect - _joined_ \- them ... and there was part of Jared that wanted to linger in that intensity forever.

But his body was nudged, one thrust at a time, closer and closer to his own orgasm.

Jensen's fingers tangled tightly in Jared's hair; it was hard, possessive and demanding. Then Jared was overrun by the pleasure that had been chasing him.

A sharp shock of pleasure reverberated through his body. His come pulsed from the over-sensitive head of his cock where it was still caught between their bodies.

Jensen's fiery tongue sank into Jared's mouth as Jared's vision faded a little. He slid his tongue along the underside of Jensen's, submitting to _anything_ and _everything_. It was so easy because Jensen _was_ everything in that moment and in all the heated ones before.

He had no idea how long they lay there, their bodies sticky with sweat and come, lungs straining for air as their hearts calmed.

They kissed until Jared's mouth was only moving slightly, his lips felt raw and used. It was good. He'd never felt so peaceful, happy, complete.

Jensen cleared his throat and Jared came round a little. He could hardly move, spread out under Jensen's hot, sweaty body.

"Gimme a second," Jensen whispered. "I'll move." He didn't sound much like he wanted to.

All Jared did was shake his head almost imperceptibly and throw a nearly useless arm over Jensen's neck. The way he felt right then he never wanted them to move.

Laughter shook Jensen's body a little and he shifted slightly. His cock slid free and Jared groaned softly.

The regret slid away when Jensen's mouth covered Jared's again. The kiss was slow and sweet, lingering. Jared's heart did the strangest fluttering thing he had come to associate with Jensen's presence.

"I missed you _so_ fucking much," Jensen murmured against Jared's lips.

"Mhmm." Something monumental had changed around them now that they were together in that moment. Jared had the stupidly romantic notion that they could overcome anything. He couldn't help the grin that slid on to his lips.

"What?" Jensen's voice was deep, rough, and sent little pleasurable shivers rippling down Jared's body.

"Nothing," Jared whispered.

Jensen's fingers found the _only_ ticklish spot on his body, just under his bottom rib. "Tell me."

Laughing, Jared tried to twist away but was too boneless with pleasure to get anywhere. "Stop," he whined.

"Not unless you tell me what you were grinning about." The smile on Jensen's face was one of the most beautiful things that Jared had ever seen.

"Us," Jared said weakly.

"You weren't getting all sappy, were ya?" Jensen pressed his lips to Jared's cheek then nuzzled into his damp hair.

"Just like a romance novel," Jared teased.

Jensen snorted and just lay there sprawled across Jared's body. His breathing had returned to normal and Jared smiled as he kissed Jensen's hair.

He knew it wasn't going to be easy. There were so many things that needed to be settled. But Jared's heart was full and he knew that he was going to fall asleep and dream peacefully for once. 

They had time. They were together.

 **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx** ONE YEAR LATER **XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx**

The drive into town was always enjoyable. It was a warm afternoon. Warm enough for Jared to have the windows rolled down as he blasted the Rolling Stones.

Jensen had insisted that Jared pick up "Let It Bleed". He'd said he was disgusted with Jared for not owning it. He'd gone on, at length, about the musical contribution of the Stones. Jared had just smiled sweetly and nodded appropriately while he signed into itunes.

He did like it though.

He was in no rush to get to town. He had about an hour before he was meeting Jensen for lunch and he only had one errand.

Shortly after he'd arrived back in town, Jensen had started working at the radio station. There was something about Jensen's voice that lent itself well to radio. That Jensen had a seductive voice, came as no surprise to Jared, it got him into a lot of trouble. The morning drive show was where Jensen had settled and Jared approved because they still had a lot of time together. It was cute.

Jared slowed down a little as he entered the town limits. Wouldn't do him any good to get a speeding ticket. Especially now that things were going so well with Jeff.

_Jeff._

Jared's heart warmed as he thought of his friend. He owed Jeff a lot but Jeff was the kind of man who never wanted repayment. Jared smiled as he shook his head slowly.

The streets were busy but Jared managed to find a parking spot near the diner. He picked up a card off the seat and glanced at it briefly.

  
_Jared Tristan Padalecki  
&  
Jensen Ross Ackles_

request your presence  
on the occasion of their union  
at Talbot House  
on September 15, 2015

It had been a long time coming. Jared wanted to get the invites printed so they could send them out and start planning.

He climbed out of the truck and headed up the street.

A familiar face appeared out of the crowd ahead. "Hey Jeff!"

Looking a little surprised, Jeff waved and stood near the printer's front door.

Jared grinned as he approached and pulled Jeff into a hug as soon as he could reach him.

Jeff hugged Jared tightly and murmured, "Hey, Jare."

"How you doing, Jeff?" Jared stepped back and noticed the man Jeff was walking with. "And I haven't met you. I'm Jared Padalecki."

He thrust his hand out toward the young man at Jeff's side. He looked a little older than Jared, with a much darker coloring. He almost black eyes were what Jensen would call brooding.

There was a blush on Jeff's cheeks as he smiled at Jared. "Jared, this is my friend, Daniel Gillies. He's new in town. We're just heading to lunch."

Daniel's hand shake was firm. "Very nice to meet you, Jared. I feel like I know you and Jensen already. Jeff talks about you all the time."

A crooked grin worked it's way onto Jared's mouth. Clearly, Daniel wasn't _that_ new in town. Either that, or he'd just been spending an awful lot of time with Jeff.

"Nice to meet you too, Daniel. Maybe you guys could come out for dinner next week."

Jeff nodded, dropping his gaze and confirmed what Jared had already guessed. Daniel and Jeff _were_ seeing each other.

"I'm pretty busy," Jeff said.

"That would be great," Daniel said quickly. "I've been after Jeff to introduce me to some of his friends."

Jeff's blush was fully formed and he rubbed at it before nodding.

"Don't let him fool you, Daniel. Jeff loves us -and he loves Jensen's cooking. It'll happen." Jared tried not to look too pleased to himself.

"Don't forget I carry a side-arm and handcuffs, Jared, " Jeff teased.

"Well, Jeff. That being the case, perhaps you and I should skip lunch and head straight back to your place," Daniel said pointedly. His eyebrow lifted for a second and the blush on Jeff's cheeks darkened. 

"I like Daniel," Jared said as he began laughing.

"Okay, okay, you two," Jeff warned. But the look he gave Jared was fond.

Jared nodded, leaned in and kissed Jeff's check before walking backwards to the printer's. "Nice to meet you, Daniel. Have _fun_ , Boys."

Jared yanked the door open and headed into the printers. The sooner he could get the invitations out, the better. He and Jensen had a wedding to plan.


End file.
